To: Han Jinhee, 31 years old.
Dear me,
In 10 years from now, you'll be 31 years old. Hopefully you have found your soul mate and you are married. I truly hope that you have found someone you love and please be with someone who loves you just the way you are; someone who takes a good care of you; someone who really wants you in his life. Are you happy right now? I wish your answer would be a yes since today and ever since I have gone through so much struggle, I really want you to stand strong and always be happy. Don't ever let anyone bring you down, and don't ever stop smiling because you know that you're beautiful. You have such a beautiful heart and a pretty face to be proud of. You have been doing great. You have been thinking positively. You have been living a good life. Your mindset is amazing and I want you to keep being like that. Remember that you are not a disappointment. Remember that you are special. You can dance, sing, and play guitar. You can write stories; poems; songs, and you like to read good quality books. You can speak 4 languages. You are smart. No one can be like you. You are strong enough. You are enough. I want you to know that when you were 21 years old, you have gone through so much struggle that left scars and pain in your soul, but I know that in 10 years from now, you have overcome everything and you even become someone better. You are a happy woman. You are beautiful just the way you are.
If you happened to marry someone who treats you bad, remember that this is not the end. Everything can change if you're willing to try. Even if you are the one who works hard trying to change your life to be happier and better, that's fine, as long as you try. You know God will always be with you. Don't ever stop trying. Everything will be better in the end. If it's not a happy ending, then it's not the end. I really want you to marry someone you love and someone who really wants you in his life. If you happened to marry The One, then Thank God, you're doing great. You'll be fine. You'll build a little family under the name of God and I believe you will teach your children the true meaning of love. But, if you didn't end up marrying anyone, or still haven't found your The One until now, it's truly fine. That means I know my family issue still there and be a burden. That's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame your life. You are fine. You are okay. Don't be disappointed. Don't give up. You are living a good life. Focus on your career and be a happy woman. You are a special woman whom no one can get just by offering something unworthy. You are worth chasing and you are worthy to feel the best man's love. You are being really good. So, one thing that I want you to always remember, don't look back and ask why, but staring straight to the future because what matters most is the future. You have such a bright future, and you'll be just fine living your life all alone without any man beside you, because you are strong enough to make yourself happier and better. Don't ever forget that God will guide you, always. I love you, me.
I have something important to tell you. If you're married and God gives you children, you will have to remember these things I've written down here for you. This is a reminder for you to be a better mom and make your children happier than ever. You're doing great, I bet, but trust me, once in a while you need to read this; to remind you that you've gone through so much in the past, and you know that you don't want your past that you've gone through to be the future for your children. So, read slowly, and rewind all the things. Without tears, okay?
First, be a mom who thinks positively about your children. See the good things in what they they do, praise them regularly, and trust them that they can be what they want to be. Let them do what they want to do even if you think that's gonna hurt them, because that way, you'll teach them that they can try hard and fall, but you're always gonna be beside them, embracing them, showing your love through your support. I want you to be a supportive mom. If your daughter likes singing and dancing, let her be in a dance community, let her be a student of a dance school, make her proud that she can sing by praising her whenever she sings. If your son likes sports, then let him be the best of the best by letting him learn more about playing basketball or soccer. Let him be the boy at school who has many girl fans. Let your children shine by being a supportive mom, so that your children can be opened to you about their feelings and personal lives.
Second, you can get angry, but remember not to say harsh words that can hurt their feelings. Don't ever say something that can make they lost their confidence. Don't ever think that just by saying harsh words, they can realize and be a better person. No, it's a big no. Because of you being harsh, you're just making the gap bigger. Embrace them. Ask them why, and always try to come up with a solution instead of wanting your children to be the best children by themselves. They can't learn by themselves. You have to be their role model. You have to teach them the true meaning of love. Mother love. Maybe they can be like you, learning something by themselves, but don't let them learn everything alone because you'll lose them. You'll forget that you have to guide them and be beside them. You'll forget that you need to be by their sides even if they don't need you. You'll be erased by them. Your presence won't be strong anymore. So, I want you to stand beside them. Don't say something hurtful, but embrace them, hug them, and just say that everything's gonna be alright and they can tell you everything because you will never judge them. You'll hear their stories from A to Z and you'll be a mom who ruffles their hair and pats their head while saying that mommy gonna be there for you through ups and downs, so don't ever give up on life, because whatever it takes, mommy will be there for you, cheer you up, and love you all the way. Praise them, because they have gone through hardships, but still standing straight. Tell them that it's okay to cry, because that means they have feelings, they can feel the pain, and that what makes them stronger. There's always rainbow after the rain, so there will be better things happened in the future. Believe it or not, I trust you. I know you can be a better mom, an amazing mom, and a mom that your children adore. I believe in you, so you should try and always believe in yourself too.
Third, don't force your children to be what you want them to be. Ask them what they want. You can guide them, but let them choose their right paths. If your son wants to be a doctor, then let him be one even if you know that things would get hard for him, but trust him, let him be one. If he failed and wanted to give up, don't raise your voice, calm down, smile, and embrace him. Tell him that he has gone through so much until this time; where he stands right now, encourage him to continue by making him reminiscing the days when he really wanted to become a doctor. Instead of raising your voice or even show your anger to him, make him realize that he actually wanted to be doctor ever since he was a kid. If he really wanted to be a successful man, he would continue his studies, but if it didn't happen according to the plan, then ask him, what exactly he wants in life. Guide him so that he would be someone better; someone that matters in this world. But always remember not to raise your voice. You've gone through such dilemma, so I bet you already knew the feeling. Don't do the same mistake. You have to be a better mom. No pressure, do it with love and God will be by your side. Listen to your children's stories and be there for them. Don't say harsh words. Don't raise your voice. Be there for them, and be a mother for them. You're gonna be okay and they'll be fine. You'll build a happy and better family.
Fourth, when your daughter reached the age of falling in love, don't make her stay at home. Let her mingle with her friends, but teach her to value her body and life. Teach her to be a lady who has class. Teach her to be polite. Make her realize that she is a special woman. Let her gets to know men. Encourage her when she's afraid of being in a relationship. Don't say that "no one will love you if you're being like this" but say "you're beautiful just the way you are, so just be yourself" because you'll make her hate herself if you say harsh words. You'll make her scared of being in relationship, moreover scared of making her own little family. She will be super sad, so remember not to say something like that. She will end up hating you, and you don't want that to happen right? Believe me. She wants to find her The One, so you should teach her and guide her, instead of locking her in a room and making her lose all of her confidence to mingle with men. When she's feeling low, don't let her stay in the dark all alone, but embrace her, be there by her side even without words. Just by being there for her, you already showed your support in whatever she's going through or whatever she's doing. She might not be as strong as her classmates, but she's your daughter, that means you'll have to worry more about her mental and emotional feelings more than anyone. You have to understand her. You have to try putting yourself in her shoes because even though you're her mother, she has her own battle and it is definitely different from what you've gone through in the past when you were around her age. Everyone has their own battles, so you have to embrace her and tell her that everything is gonna be alright. Be there for her and don't ever let her feel worthless. If she wants to cry, make sure she cries in your embrace.
Fifth, your children are your priorities, so don't compare them with any other child. Everyone has their own capacity and capability of doing things. You have to remember that. Love your children. Although they're not perfect, but they are the children of your future; the children from your womb. So if you insult them, that means you're insulting yourself. Remain calm whenever they make mistakes, and teach them with love. Be a true mother, instead of only a mother. Your children will be a better woman and man in the future if you let them fly. Safe place isn't always good, they need to grow in a dangerous environment to be a better person. It is okay to set them free, but by being there for them, you know that they will always reach out to you, and they will never want to make you disappointed. So, I believe, they will do their best to make you proud even without you knowing; without you wanting; and without you saying anything. They will respect you because they love you, not because you tell them to love and respect you. You know that is true.
I don't know what to say anymore. I just want you to be happy first, so that you can meet your The One, if you haven't met him until you're 31 years old. Love yourself, love your life. You are a special woman, and you're beautiful just the way you are.
I love you, Jinhee. I will always love you.
From: Han Jinhee, 21 years old.
