Sunday, September 28, 2014

17 ㅡ ♕ Two Pigeon

Sentuhan lembut bagi buku biru yang lusuh tak berdaya
Halaman-halaman penuh drama cerita kasih kita
Isi kenangan hati dua merpati dalam kotak-kotak permata
Kotak merah dadamu yang kau bawa setiap rabu usangmu
Kotak merah melingkar yang kubawa setiap kamis senduku

Batu bata biru menjadi saksi hati 2 merpati patah hati
Ruangan biru yang dulu menangkap hati kini menjadi pemisah sejati
Meja kursi tarki bertanya curiga kapan akan kembali meletakkan beban hari
Sketsa siput penuh makna kini terbakar hangus abu fana
Lukisan penuh angka di atas lapisan licin bersama tinta hitam menjadi kenangan tak terlupakan

Sang merpati membuka setiap halaman penuh rasa ngeri
Ketakutan bagai tersambar petir memeluk tulang rusukku
Kesedihan yang tiada artinya kembali menghentakkan kakinya di jantungku
Kebodohan yang kini hanya menjadi kebencian pada diri sendiri mulai merenggut perhatian jiwaku
Keindahanmu yang baru kini tersiar di mataku membuatku semakin menyentuh lantai dingin tak berdaya

Tiga keyakinan yang dibuat sang merpati demi perubahan kasih
Tahun demi tahun berlari bagai pelari maraton yang tak pernah bertemu garis akhir
Tak satu pun ingin menjadi beo
Tak satu pun mulai bersuara meski awan milik bersama
Tak satu pun ingin bersama meski merpati lain mengundang 

Merpati kasih terbang bebas menembus awan bersama cendrawasih
Hati yang bukan hati berdarah tersayat namun tak berani tampak
Kesunyian dunia satu-satunya cara berbicara
Senyuman kecil terukir di kanvas hati sang merpati sendiri
Nyanyian lembut menggema sedih......pergilah kasih.


"Bye..."


Friday, September 19, 2014

16 ㅡ ♕ Stairs of Love

Hello! 안녕.....I've been away for days otl now here i am with absurd feelings. So lately i've been listening to old indonesian songs which were so good for me. It has nice melody and the most important thing is nice meaning. Some friends usually singing to old songs like a radio at school and that's why i search for the songs again and take a listen to it!

#nowplaying: A Love Like This

I realized that your love is not true. At last, we should choose cause we cannot go on with a love like this. Go back to her, that's okay. Let me back off so you can live better. I'll take it for myself. 

#nowplaying: Complete

The more i deny you, the more i know how important you are in my life. Honestly, my lips can say "i can" but my heart says, "no". The heartache which i feel inside me is not because of her, but cause you choose the wrong love. My heart keeps saying "no, i cannot survive anymore". I admit that it's all a lie about letting you choose her instead of me. I never ever gonna let you choose her cause i know i'm the only one who can make your heart......complete. 

#nowplaying: The Best For You

Now, I realized everything that it was always my fault all the time. I don't want to regret anything so, "Sorry, if i always make you mad and hate me. I do that all just to make you happy. Maybe i just cannot express my feelings, i just wanna be the best for you.....your best girl."

#nowplaying: Irreplaceable

Even if the time comes and gone by itself until you cannot hold anymore. Everything cannot change me cause i only have you in my heart. You are the one who can makes me fall in love. You're not only beautiful but irreplaceable.

#nowplaying: Language of The Heart

You're the one who i can see the light in your eyes. You have such a big heart. I listen to your language of heart in your smile. It has a nice melody. Now, all i can say is you're always in my heart and i will always be with you through your days. Believe me, it's only me who understands your feelings. Love, trust me it's always me who understands you. Believe in me...


Last word, 
Thanks and maybe good bye? 
I don't know but it hurts me indeed.
I'm not lying. I'm crying.
I maybe seem so fine with everything cause at that moment,
the one inside of me is crying. 
I'm sorry for everything. 
Thanks for everything.


Forget me, not.....
 


Bye.


Have a good day, lovelies♥ 

Thursday, September 11, 2014

15 ㅡ ♕ Confession of The Forgettable One


Hi. Different feelings i feel each day:-)  i feel happy and sad also at the same time today:-) ummm like yesterday, yesterday and yesterday. Everything's okay but i'm not sure if i'm okay. I don't think of anything right now honestly but it's just i have something which bothers my mind. Let me just forget everything, turn all the page back from the start, deleting all your fingerprints and of course lemme start writing down something i loved on the first page of my diary. I'm not writing for you......nopeee nooooo not anymore but for some other people, some friends, some dreams..........some wishes and some loves. Sighs. 

#nowplaying: Suzy - Too Much Tears

Joohee opened her diary and started to write something, "It's hard to live with no one to rely on, no one to lift you up when you fall down, you don't have anyone when everyone does. That's why i'm so easy to be forgotten. That's sad. I'm cryin. Though, i have friends around me and i hope we can always understand each other, hug each other when one of us wants a hug without asking why, tap each other's back when one of us wants to cry, never leave each other and stay by each other's side for always. It's easy in words. But life brings us another way to live. You need to live your life all by yourself, all friends around you will soon leave one by one and starts building their own happiness and live happily. You cannot do anything than lifting your hands out and clap for them, hug them. In the end.....you need to heal your own wound, comfort yourself, crying at the corner without no one listening, smiling all alone for someone's happiness and tap your own back, sayin "This is life". I'm afraid. Scared enough. I haven't even ready to let this things happened. But what can i do:-) This is life. This is my life. Soon or later, ready or not.....I have to stand up and smile for myself that i'm confident enough, i'm brave enough and of course proudly say that i'm happy."

<to be continued> 

Heol. So tag tag tag.
What Joohee means in her diary is not only about friends but also about everyone around you. For everyone who leaves deep marks in your life. For everyone you loveeeeeeed.

Out of topic but i curled my hair today and tada here i am, your pathetic girl. I wish i could be pretty enough to let someone see something in me. 

Your so-easy-forgettable girl,



See you guys later, Bye-yeom!
Have a good day, lovelies♥ 

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

14 ㅡ ♕ Eassay.


Heylooooo! how. can. you.....

#nowplaying: Bestie - Thank U Very Much
 
Joohee texted thatxx, "Sometimes you tell girls that you cannot move on and still want her to be yours, but why do you run after another girl right after you realized that both of us cannot be one? Is that so easy.....? it's that easy i think. I spend my days only looking at you and me, as a girl cannot throw away this thing i mean your last name after my name. You always tell everyone that you have that wound from me who hurts you. But, no? it doesn't even hurt you. Life is that easy. Love life is thatttt easy for you. This makes me want to turn everything back and think of what we have done. We had done nothing. We didn't have anything. Maybe we're not meant to be together. I don't know your heart. Seriously, just wondering how can you move on so easy. How can you easily forget about us. How can you easily run after a girl and spread all the news to everyone. Look at you. Please be sincere. Boys always can do whatever they want, while us girls have to seriously work hard for ourselves all alone. Thanks nah." She had done writing all she wanted to tell him and left her phone on the desk and.........sleep. sleep. sleep.

<to be continued>

Monday, September 8, 2014

13 ㅡ ♕ Acoustic Collabo


Hello hey hi! here i am back again. Today i'm gonna share some songs related to my feelings. It's 10pm already and mom already nagged at me. I need to sleep sooooon. 

Wonder. wonder. wondering:-)

So, the genre of my favorite songs had changed into k-indie nowadays. The songs are so lively and super fresh for my feelings. Here i'll recommend my top 2 nice songs from one of my favorite k-indie singersss. 

Acoustic Collabo guise.

첫사랑의 일기장

:: This song was the first song i knew from Acoustic Collabo which brought me to get myself into them even more, what a lovely melody and nice voice. 

사랑한다 말할까봐

:: Super sad the melody:-(


Sunday, September 7, 2014

12 ㅡ ♕ Sleepless Night


Hi. Making a decision is not as easy as i thought. Sooooo freakin hard. Hmmmm.....but I did it. I made a decision today. Idk if people would see it as a weird thing for a girl to do this kind of thing or not but i just wanted to be friends again. I just wanted us to be comfortable like before. It was not easy indeed. It was harddddd. I started to have a fight, my mind and my heart. Both wanted to win and yes one of them won :-) 

I don't know if this is right or not. I don't know anymore. I'll have some sleepless night forever....i'm sure.


#nowplaying: SHINee - Slepless Night

Joohee....She let herself drown in the feelings of 15years ago as she looked at all her photos with him, she also let her tears fell down. She remembered every single thing about him. He who was sooooo close to her, Yoondo. She suddenly missed everything but nothing would change. She was all by herself, so was he. But decision was made. She kept thinking about what would happen if she stopped by his house and said "Hi.". She kept thinking about all the useless things and started to have a war with herself. But, things got even worse when she decided to leave a short letter in front of his house's door and runaway.....waiting for him at the park. She waited with a sigh every 5mins, she wanted to just say "Hi." and smiled but she couldn't make it so easy. It was like, for the first time in forever again she would meet him. What would we do later after we met? Would it be awkward? Would it be the same as before? or would it be.......hmmm like he don't come because he hates me? 

Until now.........we still don't know about this..........
So.......

<to be continued>


Here we are in this way back home,
How about start it again with us as friends, then start making each other more comfortable when we're together, and love each other at the end?
Can or can't? *shrugs* molla......



Yoondo moved away from Seoul to Busan...


 Joohee scared Yoondo did??


 Honestly this always been my fear....fearless? no i'm scared.


 It's too late..

But if i had a chance, i wanted to tell you that....


and i still want to know...now

 

 Curiousity kills every girl.
Stop. Sigh. Sleep. Dream and Wake Up!


See you guys later, Bye-yeom!
Have a good day, lovelies♥

Saturday, September 6, 2014

11 ㅡ ♕ Mix and Match

Hi. Today feels like a mix match feelings for me but it's kind of different from how i feel the mixed up feelings. Mixed up feelings is a kind of feelings of wanting to give up which mixed up with wanting to fight back. Dilemma attacks! But this mix match feelings is somewhat like a happy-sad-khunfused- crazy-down feelings mixed in me for one day full. And i know that this kind of feelings seriously matched me. Idk. I feel like i have to stop and stay away but tbh i can't. I seriously can't. Sometimes just sometimes i wonder he would see me as a friend as a lady as someone. I wish sometimes, just someday maybe it could happen. I wish it could be true.......but i wish him the best too. I wish he could be happy with her. I will watch them silently and smile for everything. That's okay cause i need to start training this heart which gonna turn into a heartache ever since from the start. It's just me who is so stubborn cause don't want to accept the fact...

*sighs* For the previous post about "how i loved sept 4" hmm i'll write down later when i got my happy mood back cause i just don't know what to write and how to write. I just wanted to sleep and forget the pain but remember the sweet memories. All in my dream. 

She talked to him about something scary, she scared but that boy suddenly asked her whether she wanted to have a ride on a horse with him to make the scary feels gone. She agreed without any hesitation and smiled brightly like a kid who got candies from her aunties. They then joked around together even if there were their friends also at the circuit. They joked around with their friends together and laughed out loud like there was no tomorrow. After that, he took her to the restaurant and there he gone from her to the other girl who was always been in his heart for so long. She could just let out a deeeeeep deep sigh from the bottom of her heart and sat there with her friends without even showing a single smile. She knew everything they did cause she kept her eyes for them all the time but that was okay...she still happy because at least she also could spend some time with him even if it was because she just a maybe good friend of him. She still wish them the best. 2hours had passed, she wanted to go home and his body was super cold because of the weather there at the restaurant. It happened to her because she sat at the outside of the restaurant. On their way to the horse circuit back again, he asked her whether she wanted to take his jacket home or not because maybe he was a bit concerned about her. Of course YES right. She smiled brightly again and took the jacket from his hand and wore it prettily. Wow thanks.

<to be continued>

Here's a very gooooood song. This song keeps playing in my mind. It's Tori Kelly - Dear No One. It was niceeeee. I recommend you to listen to it:-) you can maybe use it as a background song when you read this post or coldplay fix you. Both can:-) HHE.

Here's quotes of the day!
Stop looking back......because sometimes it hurts.
It's time to fight for what you love and be comfortable with your life.
Live your life happily.
Live your life with love❤ 

Like.Like.Like.Love❤❤

See you guys later, Bye-yeom!❤
Have a good day, lovelies❤


Thursday, September 4, 2014

10 ㅡ ♕ how I loved 4 Sept

loading...the happiness
deleting...the sadness

I just loved today idk it feels right but wrong also at the same time. It was happy and it was sad. Both feelings for today. Today i did what i haven't done it in my school life. Today i talked much. Today i joked much. Today i laughed much. Today was amazing. But soon............i have to wake up and stop living in that dream cause it was only a dream of a sleeping beauty. Wakeyyyy! wake up. right. now. N.O.W:-)

Monday, September 1, 2014

09 ㅡ ♕ Stoopid Me


Hi September! Please be good yaaah i beg u. So today i feel sick after attending the last friends party for 3days in a row. Hectic schedule nah friday, saturday and sunday mang, flu again and again. Feel tired, super. I even didn't go to school today. cannot see him. But all those party was super cool and awesome. I got to have lots of funnnnnnnn yehettttttt. Hmmm...anyway, the first page of my september diary is a bit sad. u agree?? I almost broke my legs last night because attending 3 party for 3days in a row. heels omg heels ok. I added another flavor of my panda eyes heung another black bubble tea lol. I sneezed for a whole day. Feel awesome honestly. Feel alive cause finally i can feel these kind of things happened after 15years of my life. If you know my story, you'll understand.

I look up at stars and my mind starts running, thinking about everything. Sometimes i wish i could at least have some chitchat with him, to make him realize that he can count on me. He can share something with me. He can share the pain and the happiness with her to me. That's okay. I'm a good listener. I'll hold back and stand by his side. That's stupid that's me. i'm not fine at all

Questions also running wild into my mind. How to make him realize? How to get closer to him? How to make him stop talking about me and the other one? How. How. How.......I wish i could just have all the answers right now. Stoopid meeh cannot think of anything.

I support them with all my heart. I never lie. I'll hold back and leave. I know. It's too complicated for us. I mean maybe for me only. I understand. That's why i called myself stoopid.

I'll comfort him if he ever sad because of her. I'll smile with him when he had fun with her. I'll laugh over his joke when she didn't want to laugh. I'll stand behind him and watch. I'll stand beside her and smile. I'll smile and laugh at myself over the stupid little things that he did for her, all by myself silently.

Thank you for being humble at me. Thank you for letting me feel this kind of feelings. Thank you for making me showing off my stupidness. Thanks dear.


She fell in love by chance and
 ended up making a decision of her choice. 
She worked hard to stay beside him,
even though it was hard for her to keep listening to all the stories about them.
She sometimes wanted to stop running and leave. 
But, she still couldn't.



See you guys later, Bye-yeom!
Have a good day, lovelies♥