254 ㅡ ♕ Cinta adalah menentukan pilihan setiap harinya; untuk mencintai atau tidak mencintai.

Cinta adalah serangkaian pilihan. Pada dasarnya kita akan mulai menyukai seseorang dari bentuk fisiknya, lalu kemudian kita mulai mengenal lebih dalam. Selera humor, hobi, prinsip, logika, dan sebagainya. Dari berbagai hal tersebut, kita sudah mulai memilih mana yang sekiranya tepat untuk kita cintai. Jika pilihan sudah ditentukan, cinta bisa memberikan sensasi luar biasa. Bagaimana kita merasa nyaman ketika berada di dekat orang yang kita cinta, senyumannya yang seolah membuat kita lupa akan segala masalah, atau suaranya yang secara ajaib mengobati luka teramat. 

Sama seperti menaiki sebuah pesawat, ada kemungkinan terjadi turbulensi; Ketidaksepahaman. Pertengkaran. Rasa bosan. Kita akan sampai pada titik dimana kita ragu apakah kita sudah menentukan pilihan yang tepat. Kemudian kita harus menentukan pilihan kembali: untuk tetap terbang bersama orang tersebut, atau melompat dari pesawat.

Jika kita memilih untuk melompat, sensasi terjatuhnya bisa membuat kita menjadi dewasa, atau justru sengsara, tergantung apakah kita melihat hal tersebut sebagai sebuah akhir atau justru sebuah awal yang baru. Namun, pada akhirnya kita akan kembali berada pada sebuah bandara dan menunggu untuk menaiki pesawat berikutnya. Lalu kemudian ada turbulensi lagi, atau justru kali ini tidak ada sama sekali, atau bahkan kita memilih untuk merubah tujuan penerbangan. Apapun itu, pilihannya akan tetap sama. Untuk tetap terbang atau  melompat?

Cinta adalah menentukan pilihan setiap harinya; untuk mencintai atau tidak mencintai. Sangat sederhana, bukan? Sayangnya, tidak. Pilihan untuk mencintai bukanlah perasaan; melainkan sebuah tindakan. Itulah mengapa sangat sulit. Kita harus melakukan sesuatu, tidak hanya sekedar membeli bunga. Dan seringnya kita harus berkorban dan mengesampingkan keinginan diri sendiri. Terkadang mudah untuk dicintai. Terkadang juga sangat sulit. Tetapi pada akhirnya, itu selalu menjadi  pilihan.

Lalu bagaimana kita tahu kalau itu cinta? Sayangnya, itu bukan pertanyaan yang harus ditanyakan. Pertanyaannya adalah: Apakah kita memilih untuk mencintai orang tersebut atau tidak? Sekarang. Bukan esok. Hari ini. Jika iya, cintai dengan semua kapasitas yang kita miliki. Jika tidak, maka berjanjilah satu hal.

Biarlah jatuhnya membuat kita lebih kuat.

Transkrip: Menjadi Manusia, Tentang Cinta.

252 ㅡ ♕ Because family, trust, and love are just meaningless words.

FUKUDA AIMI ☓ CHOI GEURIM

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable

Written by Vanny | 1,828 words

Hoping love will be perfected with only love

Hoping that all my weaknesses will be hidden in this dream that won’t ever come true

I grew a flower that couldn’t be blossomed

——————————

✦ Location: Nagoya Daini Red Cross Hospital, Japan
✦ Date: July 19th, 1994

That time, clock ticked slower than before for some reasons. One, a wife was struggling in the operation room. Two, only one of them who could survive. Because of diabetes, Mrs. Han—Han Jungjoo—only had to trust her doctor regarding the situation she went through. She fought her own self to give birth to Fukuda Family’s second child. Fukuda Hiroshi, Jungjoo’s husband, already said that it was okay not to give birth to the second child, but Han Jungjoo insisted to keep her child alive and risked her own life.

It was raining when the sound of crying baby could possibly be heard from afar. Yes, a baby girl was born. The second child of Fukuda Family was there after nine months inside her mother’s womb. But, poor baby girl... the day she opened her eyes for the first time, she had to see her father and her brother crying out loud because there would be just the three of them now. It supposed to be four, but in the end, it was all back to God’s plan. Han Jungjoo died due diabetes when delivering the baby. Because of that, Fukuda Hiroshi put his hatred of the loss of his wife on his second child.

“Sa... Sarang,” in her last minute, Jungjoo still able to mumble something.

Sarang. 
A name. 
It’s love.

And Fukuda Hiroshi named her daughter, Fukuda Aimi.

Ai means love.

——————————

✦ Location: Fukuda’s Residence in Nagoya, Japan
✦ Date: September 1st, 2008

“Can’t you just disappear from my life? Like forever? My life has already been a mess since your mother died because of you. Is it not enough for you?!” Fukuda Hiroshi shouted at Aimi.

He furiously angry by his daughter’s existence. He wanted his love, he wanted his wife back. But, no use, and after all these time waiting with longing heart, he still refused to accept the fact that his wife could never come back home.

Silence went inside the living room for a moment, accompanying the cursed daughter to hold back tears. But, that was what infuriated him the most. Fukuda Hiroshi shouted even louder, “Please, just disappear from my life. I beg you. You are not my child ever since you killed your mother with your existence here! Get a way to die, or just live as far away as you can from me! DAMN IT, FUCK OFF.” Hiroshi was drunk when he cursed at Aimi.

Yeah, we believe that people who are drunk speak only the truth, right?

Other than being cursed at, Aimi hated the way his father always looked at her with flames in his eyes. After some spiteful words came out from Hiroshi’s mouth, he grabbed a wood stick, and began to swing it with all his might. The only daughter of the family couldn’t say anything, and all she did was trying to defend herself by raising both of her arms up to cover her face from getting hit by his father. But, before any violence happened in the house, a tall man with a husky and low baritone voice suddenly became a part of the battle. His brother, Fukuda Akio, stepped into the game. He pulled out a fist and ended up hitting his father to prevent him from hurting his sister. Hiroshi fell down.

That would be amazing if he just died, suddenly Aimi stopped being herself. She was depressed, frustrated at the moment. She cried out loud with both of her hands covering her face.

“Don’t listen to him, Ai-chan.” A familiar voice could be heard clearly inside the room. Akio walked closer to his sister, tapping her shoulder and making her moved away from their screwed up father.

“I can’t, nii-chan...” More tears fell down, running through her cheeks as her face turned red. It was painful. Her heart cried along.

Imagine. What would you do if your own biological father wanted you to just die? Silence would be your answer, or tears might be your answer in these situation.

“Hey, look at me.” Akio gently grabbed both of her sister’s hands which was covering her face earlier, and made her looking straight into his eyes. “Never doubt your worth. You are loved. You are stronger more than you think you are. Ai-chan, you are amazing, brave, and wonderful.” 

In no time, a soft smile could be seen adorning Aimi‘s beautiful face. “Thank you, nii-chan.”

Akio always knew how to melt her heart. If there was only one person she could save in a doomsday, she would never hesitate to go saving her brother. He made her (at least) knew something about her name; something about love.

Actually, is this really something called ‘love’?

——————————

✦ Location: Chubu Centrair International Airport, Japan
✦ Date: December 15th, 2009

It was winter that brought her back to life. It was such a painful fact. The one she refused to believe. Well, if a time machine really existed, could you lend it for her? For her to feel some moments once again, before arguing whether her life was really a pain in the ass or not. But, no doubt, the answer was yes since the day she opened her eyes.

December 15th marked the day Fukuda Hiroshi sold his only daughter to a mafia organization, and Akio was the one who deceived Aimi to sign a contract. An adoption paper.

Without knowing anything regarding to her flight to South Korea, Aimi followed her brother, Akio, to the airport. She put her trust on his shoulder, but who knew even a brother could do something cruel to her only sister. That was what came through her mind, the moment he saw Akio handing her to some tall men dressing in black. All looked very scary, and the look in their eyes said it all, that they could kill Aimi anytime they wanted to.

Is this what they called ‘love’?

“YOU BROKE MY TRUST!” Aimi managed to shout at her brother who had already showed his back.

Family? FUCK IT.

——————————

✦ Location: Hanyang University, South Korea
✦ Date: August 22th, 2015

After spending three years of studying, the day of her graduating finally came. Ever since she moved to South Korea, six years ago, she had been raised by a mafia organization which called themselves as ‘family’ and she was a part of if as a daughter. She changed her name from Fukuda Aimi to Choi Geurim. Geurim held a simple, but deep meaning; a picture, which meant she would live her life as if she was living in every pictures painted by others.

Talking about her studies, Ai—Geurim took Interior Architecture Design as her major, so that later she could become someone who lead the family when doing their jobs; robbery, because she knew the layouts and materials used in the house. Honestly, her dream was to become a doctor, to study medicine, but life made her couldn’t follow her heart. She couldn’t do what she loves, and that’s life.

Ah, what is love, anyway?

There was no days for young Geurim to actually breath fresh air. Everything started from six years ago. The next day she knew her father sold her to a mafia organization, she went through lots of struggle for one day she could be useful to the family; for her to finally work as a thief. She was raised pretty badly. She knew violence, death, blood, since she was little, and slowly but sure, she forgot her true self. She became selfish, cold, unforgiven, and braver than she used to be. Never heard about how her father and brother doing didn’t make her want to ask for an information from an informant in the family. She would swear to God, she wanted them to just die, burnt in flames and back to ashes. Those two person were the ones who made her turned into a living puppet.

——————————

✦ Location: Silla City, South Korea
✦ Date: July 9th, 2018

Choi Geurim who was a part of the mafia organization since 2009 followed the instructions for everyone in the family to move to Silla City. She had to leave her job and would have to search for a new one in the new city.

She became more mature as time went by pretty quickly because she had no feelings for living. She always did what her family wanted her to do, because that was the only way to repay them for not killing her when she wanted to runaway six years ago. 

Well, she is indeed a living puppet.

Her frozen heart decided that she would never trust anyone. She would never fall in love with anyone. 

Because love is just a meaningless word.

——————————

✦ Location: Jeju Island, South Korea
✦ Date: xx-xx-xx, 20xx

One day, she finally believed that, “It’s not like you know all about today, just because you lived yesterday.”

She found someone whom she could really put her trust later on, and it miraculously happened when she was travelling to a very beautiful island in South Korea, Jeju Island. She was mesmerized by how he treated her respectfully, and at the first meeting, suddenly she could feel her cheeks turned into the color of scarlet. At the second meeting, she could stare at his beautiful eyes for hours and forget the cruel world ever existed. At the third meeting, she watched him like he had the stars in his hands and soft petals at his feet. At the fourth meeting, she wanted to hug him and never let go.

The cold black night pierced her very bones. She was literally paralyzed with fear when she came to a realization that she might believe in someone again, but somehow, she felt as if the whole world was on her side; made her floating on air. That was when she decided to keep going straight forward.

She was an underwater spirit, not the bold sun in the sky since she was little. She was the fish in the cool shallows, never the hawk who hunted above. She was wind-chimes in a spring breeze, never a storm to bring all the wrong kinds of excitement. But, she promised, if he'd give her a chance, in their home, she would be the warmth, the love, and the laughter.

And, she was dreaming with her eyes open. She used to dream every night, but she never dreamed anything at all ever since she met him, because she believed he was the one who would stare at her and say three crucial words, eight amazing letters, “I love you.”

249 ㅡ ♕ Kita tidak selalu dapat mengandalkan kesan pertama.

Tertantang

Toni-Michelle Nell

1

✦ Kang Shinwoo x Han Jisoo ✦

Kita tidak mencintai seseorang karena rupanya, pakaiannya, atau mobilnya yang keren, tetapi karena mereka menyanyikan lagu yang hanya kita yang bisa mendengarnya.

— Sumber tidak diketahui 

Aku wanita berusia 26 tahun, lajang, dan baru saja membeli rumah pertamaku. Rumah ini adalah pembelianku yang pertama sebagai orang dewasa. Setelah menandatangani dokumen terakhir, kuputuskan untuk mampir ke beberapa rumah teman sebelum pulang untuk berkemas.

Temanku yang satu ini bukan tipe orang yang formal, jadi ketika tiba di rumahnya, aku langsung saja masuk. Ketika sampai di sudut ruang tamunya, aku sedikit kaget ketika melihat seorang lelaki yang belum pernah kutemui sedang duduk di sofa. 

Ketika dikenalkan kepada laki-laki itu, Kang Shinwoo, aku tak bisa tidak memperhatikan betapa norak caranya berpakaian. Aku memang jauh dari modis, tetapi aku terpaksa bertanya-tanya apa yang dipikirkannya ketika keluar dari rumah pagi itu.

Setelah kami duduk di ruang tamu, mengobrol dengan asyik, kuperhatikan Shinwoo tidak banyak bicara. Ibuku selalu mengajariku bahwa orang-orang yang mendominasi pembicaraan bukan saja tidak sopan, tetapi kurang ajar. Jadi, aku selalu berusaha melibatkannya ke dalam obrolanku dan temanku. Apa pun yang kukatakan kepadanya, yang kudapat hanyalah jawaban terbata-bata dan patah-patah.

Setelah beberapa jam, aku pun pulang. Banyak sekali yang harus kubereskan dan hari kepindahanku tak terasa sebentar lagi tiba. 

Beberapa hari kemudian, aku pergi membeli tirai jendela untuk rumah baruku. Sesampainya di sana, aku baru sadar bahwa obeng yang kumiliki tidak akan bisa kugunakan untuk memasangnya. Jadi, pergilah aku ke rumah temanku itu kalau-kalau dia memiliki obeng atau bor yang dapat kupinjam dari suaminya. Sesampainya di rumah temanku, dia mengatakan tak keberatan meminjamkan bor, tetapi suaminya belum pulang ke rumah usai bekerja, dan dia tak tahu tempat suaminya menyimpan peralatan yang aku butuhkan itu.

Setelah terdiam sejenak, dia mengatakan Shinwoo sedang ada di ruangan lain, dan dia akan menanyakan apakah Shinwoo memiliki bor atau tidak. Beberapa saat kemudian, Shinwoo pun muncul. Kali ini masalah bicaranya jauh lebih buruk daripada terakhir kali kami bertemu. Aku tidak bisa berbuat lain kecuali memperhatikan bahwa dia lagi-lagi punya selera berpakaian yang benar-benar payah. Perlahan-lahan dia menyampaikan bahwa dia bukan hanya memiliki bor tanpa kabel, tetapi dia juga akan ikut denganku untuk membantuku memasang tirai itu... dan dialah yang akan menyetir.

Perutku mendadak mulas, aku tidak tahu harus mengatakan apa. 

Dapatkah dia melakukan pekerjaan itu? 

Bisakah dia menyetir? 

Haruskah aku mempercayainya? 

Lagi pula, dia benar-benar orang asing bagiku.

Aku menarik napas panjang dan mengiyakan. Aku tahu bila temanku bisa menyetujui, artinya lelaki ini pastilah mampu melakukannya. Kalau tidak, tentu temanku itu sudah memberitahuku. Sambil mengharapkan yang terbaik, aku pun naik ke mobil, duduk di sisi penumpang, dan kami berangkat menempuh perjalanan pendek menuju ke rumah baruku.

Setelah kami sampai, Shinwoo menarik sebuah peti perkakas dari dalam mobil dan mengikutiku masuk ke dalam. Aku harus mengatakan bahwa aku agak terkesan. Sebelum memasang masing-masing tirai itu, dia mengukur dan memberi tanda dengan sangat hati-hati agar tidak menggores jendela-jendela baruku yang indah.

Ketika dia berpindah dari satu ruangan ke ruangan lainnya, aku mengikutinya dari belakang. Ketika itu aku sudah percaya penuh pada kemampuan kerjanya. Shinwoo bicara dengan jelas bila dia sedang membelakangiku. Hanya dalam percakapan sambil bertatap muka saja bicaranya jadi sulit dipahami.

Di jendela terakhir, dengan membelakangiku, dia mengatakan bahwa teman kami itu akan ada acara di luar pada hari Jumat. Dia bertanya apakah aku mau ikut serta. Tanpa ragu sedikit pun, aku mengiyakan. Aku sendiri terkejut, karena aku belum pernah melakukan itu sebelumnya.

Aku sama sekali tak pernah menyangka, meski jutaan tahun pun, bahwa Shinwoo akan menjadi kekasihku ketika pertama kali berjumpa dengannya. Beberapa bulan setelah kami menjalin kasih, aku membuat pengakuan kepada Shinwoo soal kesan pertamaku tentang dia. Shinwoo tertawa dan katanya dia jadi terbata-bata dan gagap hanya bila dia memandangku karena dia merasa aku adalah perempuan paling cantik yang pernah dilihatnya. Hatiku pun kembali... menghangat.

Kamu mungkin bertanya-tanya... bagaimana soal seleranya memilih pakaian? Ternyata, dia berpakaian seperti itu untuk menarik perhatianku.

Kukira kisahku ini bisa dijadikan contoh bahwa kita tidak selalu dapat mengandalkan kesan pertama. Andai saja saat itu aku mengandalkan kesan pertamaku, aku pasti sudah kehilangan kesempatan menjalin kasih selama delapan tahun dengan lelaki paling keren di planet ini.

Orang yang bahagia bukanlah yang berada dalam kondisi-kondisi tertentu, melainkan orang yang memiliki sikap tertentu.

— Hugh Downs

247 ㅡ ♕ 그 날 넌 내가 좋다고 했어.

근데 그 날에 기억나? 넌 내가 좋다고 했어. 그 예쁜 가로등 아래서 넌 내가 좋다고 말했어. 다음부턴 모른 척, 아닌 척해도, 확신을 해야 돼 넌, 그 날 넌 내가 좋다고 했어. — 좋다고 말해

가만히 눈을 감고 있어도 자꾸 생각나죠. 그댄 내게 마치 뜬 구름 같은걸. 사랑이란 말로 아직 부족한가요? 내 맘이 위험한가요? 그댄 내게 전부가 됐네요. 같은 길을 걷고 같은 꿈을 꾸고, 나 혼자만 몰래 상상을 하고. 그대 곁에 잠든 마치 연인 같은 그대와 내 모습.

나는 네가 필요해. 수줍은 나의 고백, 오랫동안 몰래, 숨겨왔던 노래. 참 순진했던 고백. 너도 좋다면 가까이 다가와. 울리지도 않는 전화기를 자꾸 보게되죠. 그댄 내게 기분 좋은 기대 같은걸. 하루만 더 기다리면 답이 올까요? 차라리 고백할까요? 한걸음만 더 다가와줘요.

오늘도 내일도 그댄 나의 전부 인걸요.

235 ㅡ ♕ I'm an amateur defender.

Come to think of it, I've never been a striker in my life. I've always defended myself, and stepped back at the right timing. I have neither the courage to take the ball nor the ability to avoid it. I'm an amateur defender. — 윤지호

234 ㅡ ♕ I was a snail chasing after dreams.

In a world of competition, my friends threw themselves for a line on their resume. In between them, I was a snail chasing after dreams. — 윤지호