305 ㅡ ♕ Nothing heals the past like time, and they can't steal the love you're born to find.

To: Han Jinhee

I look up from the ground to see your sad and teary eyes. You look away from me, and I see there's something you're trying to hide. And I reach for your hand, but it's cold. You pull away again, and I wonder what's on your mind. And then you say to me you made a dumb mistake. You start to tremble, and your voice begins to break. You say the cigarettes on the counter weren't your friends. They were my mates, and I feel the color draining from my face. And my friend said, "I know you love her, but it's over, mate. It doesn't matter, put the phone away. It's never easy to walk away, let her go. It'll be alright."

So I still look back at all the messages you'd sent. And I know it wasn't right, but it was fucking with my head. And everything deleted like the past, it was gone. And when I touched your face, I could tell you're moving on. But it's not the fact that you kissed him yesterday. It's the feeling of betrayal, that I just can't seem to shake. And everything I know tells me that I should walk away. But I just want to stay. And my friend said, "I know you love her, but it's over, mate. It doesn't matter, put the phone away. It's never easy to walk away, let her go. It'll be okay. It's gonna hurt for a bit of time. So bottoms up, let's forget tonight. You'll find another and you'll be just fine. Let her go."

But nothing heals the past like time. And they can't steal the love you're born to find. It'll be alright.

From: me

304 ㅡ ♕ I'm a shining solo.

To: me 

Innocent and delicate. I'm tired of pretending. I'm done.

What are you up to? Where are you? Did you eat? Good night.

Baby, darling, honey, I miss you. It's all useless.

You got me like. This is not a touching love story. No romance, no sincerity. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. From today on I'm a shining solo. 

Used to be your girl. Now I'm used to being the GOAT. You're sitting on your feelings. I'm sitting on my throne. I ain't got no time for the troubles in your eyes. This time I'm only looking at me, myself, and I. I'm going solo. I'ma do it on my own now. Now that you're alone, got you looking for a clone now. So low. That's how I'm getting down. Destined for this and the crown. Sing it loud like, this is not a touching love story. No romance, no sincerity. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. From today on I'm a shining solo. 

I'm a shining solo. I'm going solo.

After the relationship, romance, emotion, there's breakup, tears, regret, longing. I like being alone, because I should be true to myself. Like the flowing wind. Like the stars above the clouds. I want to go far away, I want to shine brightly. 

Now I'm going solo. I'm a shining solo. I'm going solo. 

From: Han Jinhee

303 ㅡ ♕ You were brave yesterday, you are brave today, and you’ll be braver tomorrow.

To: Han Jinhee in 2019

Hi, hello, 안녕.

This is gonna be a quick reminder for you. Even if there’s no one standing beside you right now, remember that I will always be there for you. You’ll be okay. You’ll do well. You’ll get to do what you love. You’ll be the best version of yourself, and no one could ever bring you down. If today you don’t feel like talking to anyone, then don’t force yourself. You don’t live to please others. I’ll remind you once again that you are perfect just the way you are. You are loved, and you deserve the whole world. If there are people who make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, leave them, darling. Why? Because you have to love yourself more. You are more than you think you are. You are stronger than you think you are. You’ll survive this world. 

No one could ever drag you down because you are now walking your own path. You’re now enjoying your life to the fullest. You can stand strong alone. You were brave yesterday, you are brave today, and you’ll be braver tomorrow. You don’t need anyone to stand beside you because even if you are alone, you can do everything you like and you can be happy. Being happy is a state of mind. You are happy. You have found your happiness. It’s within you. You have loved yourself even more now and that’s what makes you stronger than ever. You won’t be crying because of small things anymore. You’ll be fine with people come and go from your life. That’s a part of learning. That’s life.

This is gonna be the most important thing that I want you to remember. Please be with someone who loves you just the way you are. Be with someone who makes you happy for no reason. Be with someone who makes you feel loved. Don’t be with someone who only makes you lose your confidence. Don’t be with someone who values you only because of your looks, your stuffs, and your outfits, but be with someone who sincerely making an effort to get to know you better. Yes, effort, not just by words, but real efforts, not excuses. Be with someone who makes you feel special, not with someone who loves making others feel the same as you. Be with someone who sincerely wants to build dreams with you, not with someone who only placing you as an option. I know you. I know what kind of person you are. When you want to be with someone, you’ll go with that person no matter what happens, but it’s extremely hard to make you fall for someone since you actually don’t really believe in what they called love. Well, especially when a man already stepped on a boundary you have built, like making you lose your confidence by saying words you don’t like to hear, making you hate yourself, or just simply doing things you don’t like by being impolite, and I know when you don’t like it, you’ll leave everything behind, even if you have thought for a brief moment that you might end up with this person. No one knows what’s ahead, no one knows the future, but I’m sure you’ll end up with someone who makes you happy, not with someone who only makes you feel insecure. It’s not easy to make you fall head over heels because you’ve come to a realization that you love yourself more, so you want the person you’re dating to love you sincerely for who you are, not for what you are. You have the power. You are strong. That’s what I like about you. You are a strong character.

So, don’t mind others. This is your world. This is your life. You can be whatever you want. Live this life by being who you are. God creates you with lots of talent and you are perfect for Him, so don’t let others bring you down. You don’t need people to value your existence, but you have to love yourself even more because no one is ugly, and no one’s life is bad. You just have to change your perspective of seeing things in life. If today you see yourself as a bad luck person, then go to your room, lock the door, and talk to God. You’ll find peace and you’ll be okay.

Trust me. Believe in yourself. In 2019, you are going to achieve something and when you re-read this letter, you’ll smile, because you’ve done something really great. I’m writing this when I’m just settled down everything. I’ve prepared plans for you in 2019 and I hope you like it. I hope you’ll enjoy life by doing all my plans. You don’t need anyone to make you happy, darling, because you have the power to be happy. You are such a nice person, and I know you’ll get everything nice in the future. Just so you know, I’m leaving all the toxic things, toxic people, toxic state of minds behind to come this far. You’ll be very happy in 2019, and don’t forget to thank me later.

From: me in 2018

302 ㅡ ♕ It’s enough to chase and be chased.

To: Han Jinhee

I’ve analyzed lots of stuff. All the things he did to you, all the words he said to you were completely something you avoid. The words he said sometimes become a little hurtful and what he did sometimes makes you feel uneasy. At first, you thought that would be interesting to try going out with a person like that, but deep in your heart, the score is zero. Am I right? At first, you thought he might be the one, but now you know he’s just a passerby. Well, things got complicated at some point, and there was the time when you seriously thought about everything. You thought you liked him when you actually not. You thought you have found your happiness when you actually not. You thought he might be the one for you, but he’s actually not. You two are most likely strangers to each other, I guess, so I think you don’t really have to explain everything in words since I know you don’t like going straight to something unclear. You also don’t like being the one who thought both of you had something when you two actually not, so I’m gonna let you leave him be.

You’ve learned more things about life. You are now loving yourself even more. You are more confident, and you’re more beautiful since you’re happier. It’s really a nice decision to stop everything and going back to where you used to be. Being alone is not a crime. You are stronger alone, so why bother wanting someone to stand beside you? It’s a nuisance. You are surrounded by lots of great people like your family, your friends, and all the people who taught you how to survive in this cruel world. So, all you need is yourself going really strong because you have the power to live proudly.

You know what, I think it’s a nice decision to forget everything and start doing things that make you happier. Even if it means you’re going back to your routine, but it’s better than keeping toxic people in your life and doing toxic thing that isn’t your style. It’s a perfect decision to start over. You’ll be okay. You’ve done well. You’re doing great. I’m proud of you.

It’s enough to chase and be chased. I know you’re tired of everything. Because of that, I want you to shut people out, and start thinking about your own future for now because I want you to be happier first. I want you to be that one person who resonates happiness to others. Well, if they think that you might reconsider everything, then they need to give up since I know you will never going back and you’ll never turn your head when you’ve decided to move forward. So, keep this in your mind that you can do it! You can be whatever you want. Build your dreams and make them all happen. Don’t forget to do everything with love because God loves you so much, so you have to love yourself even more.

From: me