227 ㅡ ♕ Lee Jooheon & Xiao Yue: Dream.

Langit tampak begitu biru, suara binatang bersayap menghantar langkah kaki seorang gadis bersurai cokelat susu ㅡtak panjang, juga tak pendekㅡSenyum menghiasi wajah sang hawa yang tengah berlari kecil masuk ke dalam sebuah gedung bertingkat yang jauh-jauh lebih tinggi darinya. Tak tahu untuk berbuat apa, gadis ini melangkah masuk.

Hening...

Mata sang hawa terbelalak ketika mendapati seseorang yang hanya mampu dipandanginya melalui layar kaca dan juga layar ponsel berbentuk persegi panjang muncul di hadapannya bagaikan sebuah sihir. Tak mampu menutup mulut, gadis ini begitu kaget. Lee Jooheon ㅡ Rapper Monsta X yang diidolakannya. Gadis yang berdiri terdiam mematung bagai kehilangan jiwa yang terbang entah kemana. Pria bertubuh tak begitu tinggi namun cukup tinggi untuk mampu mendekap sang gadis di dalam pelukan hangat, kulit yang begitu putih seputih susu dengan bibir yang merah semerah darah. Begitu menyilaukan. Idola memang, seperti fans pada umumnya. Apa yang akan kamu lakukan jika bertemu seseorang yang tak akan pernah kamu temui selain pada saat konser? Kamu akan mengerahkan segala cara untuk menarik perhatiannya. Tenang, di sini sang gadis hanya melakukan apa yang biasanya dilakukan oleh seorang fans. Luckily, tak ada yang menyadari keberadaan sang idola di dalam gedung tersebut. Pakaian lengkap seperti pakaian yang dipakainya saat tampil di stage; jas dan celana senada berwarna merah maroon dengan make up ala vampire.

Dengan debaran jantung yang begitu kencang, untung saja tak terdengar sampai keluar atau mungkin saja terdengar dan tak ada yang mengetahui hal itu. Ya, gadis ini hm bernama Xiao Yue. Gadis keturunan cina yang mampu menguasai sedikitnya bahasa korea ini menghampiri sang pria  yang tengah berdiri. "안녕하세요 주주 오빠! [re: Halo Juju Oppa!]" Sapanya lembut dengan gugup. Sang pria terlihat senang, tersenyum saat mendapati seseorang menyapanya. Jooheon mengangguk dan tersenyum tanpa henti. "저는 인도네시아에서 살아요. 한국 사람 아니니까 저랑 셀카 해주세요… [re: Aku tinggal di Indonesia. Karena aku bukan warga korea please take a picture with me]" Ajak Xiao Yue dengan mengerahkan segala keberaniannya dengan menatap lekat kedua bola mata hitam sang adam. Kalau kau bisa menembus isi kedua bola mata pandangan Xiao Yue kau pasti akan menemukan sejuta harapan terlukis dalam kedua bola mata hazel milik gadis ini. "아….진짜? 그래 그러자! [re: Ah…..benarkah? Baiklah ayo!]" Jooheon mengiyakan ajakan dari Xiao Yue yang nampaknya benar-benar fans sejati dirinya. Ia tersenyum dan terus tersenyum. Lee Jooheon, senyumanmu sungguh indah. Batin Xiao Yue bergumam halus dan lemas. Untung saja kakak dari Xiao Yue  ada di sana dan akhirnya mereka berfoto ria. Jooheon merangkul Xiao Yue yang kikuk dan mendekapnya erat dalam rangkulan. Seharusnya hanya selca saja, tetapi…..ya begitulah. Hehehe.

••• Xiao Yue's dream ends right here •••

226 ㅡ ♕ Miyazono Kaori & Arima Kousei: Suratku Untukmu.

Untuk Kousei Arima.

Rasanya aneh menulis surat untuk seseorang yang baru saja menghabiskan waktunya bersamaku. Kau orang yang mengerikan. Lambat, bodoh, tak tahu diri.

Pertama kali aku melihatmu adalah saat aku berumur lima tahun. Saat itu ada pertunjukan dari sekolah piano yang ingin aku ikuti.

Anak laki-laki yang canggung itu menarik perhatian semua penonton hingga mereka tertawa karena dia kesulitan mengatur bangkunya. Dia bahkan duduk di depan piano yang terlihat terlalu besar untuknya dan saat dia memainkan nada yang pertama, saat itulah dia menjadi orang yang aku kagumi. Memainkan nada yang penuh warna 24 palette, melodi yang mulai menari-nari. Aku kaget sekali saat ada anak di sebelahku yang tiba-tiba menangis. Dan beberapa saat itu, kau malah berhenti bermain piano. Padahal kau sudah memengaruhi kehidupanku. Jahat, bukan? Jahat! Lamban! Bodoh!

Saat aku tahu kalau kita satu SMP, aku sangat senang sekali. Bagaimana ya cara agar aku bisa berbicara denganmu? Apa dengan membelikanmu sandwich setiap hari? Tapi pada akhirnya, aku hanya bisa memerhatikanmu dari kejauhan. Lagi pula, kalian semua terlihat sangat akrab. Seolah-olah tak ada tempat untuk aku disana.

Aku pernah melakukan operasi saat kecil dan mendapat perawatan rutin meski tak diopname. Setelah pernah pingsan di kelas tujuh, aku sudah sering keluar masuk rumah sakit. Aku mulai lebih sering masuk daripada keluar. Ke sekolah pun terasa berat untukku. Aku tahu kondisiku tidak begitu baik.

Suatu malam, saat aku melihat ibu dan ayahku menangis di ruang tunggu rumah sakit, aku sadar kalau waktuku sudah tidak banyak. Saat itulah aku mulai berlari. Aku mulai melakukan apa saja yang aku suka. Jadi aku tidak akan menyesal setelah pergi ke surga nanti. Kontak lensa yang selalu membuatku ngeri, memakan kue utuh. Aku juga tidak akan mencemaskan berat badanku, bahkan partitur nada yang membuatku kesusahan. Aku memainkan mereka dengan caraku sendiri.

Lalu... aku melakukan sebuah kebohongan.

Kalau Kaori Miyazono menyukai Ryota Watari. Itu semua hanyalah kebohongan. Kebohongan itu akan membawaku kepada Kousei Arima. Kebohongan itu yang membawamu kepadaku. Tolong sampaikan maafku pada Watari-kun nanti. Tapi tetap saja, kurasa tidak akan butuh waktu lama untuk Watari-kun agar bisa melupakanku. Sebagai teman dia orang yang lucu, tapi aku lebih memilih orang yang lebih serius.

Lalu, Sampaikan maafku pada Tsubaki-chan. Aku hanya orang yang numpang lewat dan akhirnya pergi. Aku tak bisa meninggalkan kesan buruk, jadi aku tidak bisa meminta apa-apa pada Tsubaki-chan. Atau, jika aku jujur, "Tolong kenalkan aku pada Arima-kun," Aku rasa Tsubaki-chan mungkin akan keberatan untuk melakukannya. Lagi pula, Tsubaki-chan sepertinya tergila-gila padamu. Semuanya sudah tahu soal itu sejak lama. Satu-satunya yang tidak tahu hanyalah kau dan Tsubaki-chan.

Kebohongan yang sudah membawamu kepadaku. Tidak pernah kubayangkan sebelumnya, kau lebih pesimis dan pasif dari yang aku pikirkan, kau juga ceroboh dan keras hati. Suaramu lebih rendah dari yang aku duga, dan kau juga lebih jantan dari yang aku duga. Dan kau... lembut seperti dugaanku.

Sungai yang kita lompati di jembatan keberanian itu sangat dingin dan enak, ya? Cahaya bulan purnama yang masuk ke ruang musik terlihat enak seperti Manju. Saat kita mengejar kereta itu, aku benar-benar merasa kita bisa menang. Menyanyikan Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star bersama-sama di bawah cahaya bintang juga seru, ya? Lalu ada juga kejadian di sekolah saat malam hari, kan? Bukankah salju itu terlihat seperti kelopak bunga sakura? Menikmati segala hal di luar panggung padahal aku ini seorang musisi, tidaklah masuk akal, bukan? Bukankah lucu jika kejadian yang paling tidak terlupakan ternyata sangatlah sederhana?

Bagaimana denganmu?

Apa aku bisa tinggal di dalam hati seseorang? Apa aku bisa hidup di dalam hatimu? Apa kau akan mengingatku meski hanya sedikit? Jangan tekan tombol reset, ya! Jangan lupakan aku, ya?

Aku bersyukur karena orang itu adalah kau. Apakah sampai padamu. Semoga bisa sampai padamu.

Kousei Arima... Aku Mencintaimu

Maaf canele-nya tidak kuhabiskan. Maaf karena sering memukulmu. Maaf karena terlalu kekanak-kanakan. Maaf, maaf, maaf ya...

Terima kasih.

P.S. Aku memasukkan sesuatu yang selama ini aku simpan. Kalau kau tidak mau, buang saja.

225 ㅡ ♕ Elena Gilbert & Stefan Salvatore: About you & me.

Elena Gilbert:

Dear diary, today I convinced myself it was okay to give up. Don't take risks. Stick with the status quo. No drama, now is just not the time. But my reasons aren't reasons, they're excuses. All I'm doing is hiding from the truth, and the truth is that... I'm scared, Stefan. I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for even one moment that the world's just going to come crashing down and I don't know if I can survive that.

Stefan Salvatore:

I met a girl. We talked. It was epic. But then the sun came up, and reality set in. Well, this is reality. Right here.

224 ㅡ ♕ I am a different person to different people.

I am a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Quiet to a few. Unknown to a lot. But, who am I, to me?

The only thing that matters is you are, you, and I am, me. Well, your behaviour depends on your surrounding, and also the environment where you grow up. But, don't pity yourself when no one wants you around because you are different, and frankly saying, sometimes they just don't want to admit that they actually need you in their lives. You are cool just the way you are. So, just be cool.

Be yourself, be okay.

Be proud, be different.

Be amazing.

223 ㅡ ♕ Not everyone who looks like a sunshine, never once become a raindrop.

You thought you wanted her, but she is made of thunder & lightning, and you were afraid of a little rain.

For everyone who is a little taken aback when you told her 1 thing but she understood 100 things in a blink. She is made of thunder & lightning because she observes well, but actually deep inside, she is made of glass, fragile can break easily.

And you need to realize,

not everyone who looks strong, never cry.

not everyone who looks like a sunshine, never once become a raindrop.

222 ㅡ ♕ Be considerate.

It's kinda sucks dealing with someone who has a bad temper. It's like you need to press down your ego for the sake of living peacefully. Maybe I, too, have a really sensitive personality which makes me can get easily annoyed at the slightest words that spoken by people, but trust me, you need to be at least a little considerate towards others.

Can start from minding your words, think first whether it could hit other people's heart or not, whether it could make someone uncomfortable or not, whether you really need to say that or not.

I am justㅡI have gone through lots of difficulties and tons of hardships today so I could say that I am sensitive, and it is my right to say that your words offended me.

I don't know, maybe we can't get along well, cause we actually have different way to communicate.

221 ㅡ ♕ Being nice to someone you dislike doesn't mean you're being fake.

Being nice to someone you dislike doesn't mean you're being fake. It means you're mature enough to tolerate that individual.

I am nice,

I am patient,

I am mature enough,

I can tolerate things,

I am a grown up lady.

At least, I've tried to hypnotise myself.

Hypnotised, to boost my confidence and mood, also to be a better person.

220 ㅡ ♕ Just because you and that person don't click, doesn't make either of you bad people.

The click is important, but it doesn't mean you have to turn your back and leave with your luggage. Actually, the click is not that important though.

How you open your eyes and mind to see lots of different things in life, also how you accept people for the way they are is the important thing.

So, just make lots of friends and you'll be rich in personality.

Said, the one who is a terrible-introverted-person.

219 ㅡ ♕ I realized the screaming pain...

I realized the screaming pain, hearing loud in my brain. But, I'm going straight ahead with the scar.

218 ㅡ ♕ Take me to the place...

Take me to the place where I could stay awake all night long just to reminisce those days when I was so incredibly happy with my life.

217 ㅡ ♕ It's all started because they're good people.

Why do bad things always happened to good people?

They have good hearts, they have familiar aura, they have what others wished to have, and in the end, it's all started because they're good people.

When you're good, people will always try to bring you down, they will try to make you forget your true natureㅡyour nature of kindness. So hold on tight, and don't ever forget to go with happiness.

xoxo,

me, claiming that I'm good.

(psst, or not... well, I'm trying.)

216 ㅡ ♕ Koko terbaik yang pernah hadir dalam hidupku.

Pada hari Kamis, tanggal 6 Juli 2017ㅡjam 05.38 pagi, aku kehilangan seorang koko terbaik yang selalu tersenyum hingga kedua mata membentuk sebuah pelangi penuh kebahagiaan. Nicholaus Sucipto telah berpulang ke rumah Bapa. Anggota keluarga kehilangan seorang anak laki-laki, kami kehilangan seorang koko terbaik, mereka kehilangan seorang sahabat... tetapi, satu harapan dan doa kami bahwa Yang Terkasih telah mendapatkan tempat terbaik di sisi Bapa di surga. Kami percaya bahwa Tuhan menyayangi dirinya lebih dari siapapun, dan kini dia telah bahagia bersama Tuhan. Bersenda gurau, tertawa, dan selalu tersenyum dalam cahaya kasih keabadian kekal.

Tidak akan ada yang menyangka koko bisa pergi secepat ini meninggalkan kami yang masih begitu senang untuk menghabiskan waktu bersama koko. Koko yang menjadi bagian dari hidup kami, kini tak dapat kami sentuh dan kami tatap lagi... dan hanya menjadi sebuah kenangan. Jika diperbolehkan memutar kembali waktu, tentu banyak hal dan kata yang ingin disampaikan semua saudara, keluarga, sahabat, dan kekasih untuk koko yang selalu menjadi koko terbaik bagi kami. Terutama, banyak terima kasih yang ingin aku sampaikan pada koko karena telah menjadi seorang koko yang sangat familiar, selalu ada untuk saudara-saudaranya sebagai koko yang dapat diandalkan, humble, penuh perhatian, penuh kehangatan, dan sangat penyayang. Koko selalu bisa membuat suasana menjadi nyaman karena koko selalu penuh kehangatan. Kebanggaan tersendiri bagiku karena memiliki sosok seorang koko yang bisa membuat aku mengucapkan kalimat, "Koko adalah koko terbaik dalam hidupku."

Aku berterima kasih kepada Tuhan karena telah diberikan kesempatan untuk menghabiskan masa kecil, masa remaja, sampai masa menuju kedewasaan bersama dengan koko. Aku berterima kasih kepada Tuhan karena telah diberikan waktu untuk bahagia bersama koko yang selalu bisa mencairkan suasana dimanapun koko berada. Terima kasih untuk semua kenangan bahagia yang tak akan pernah terlupakan dan habis dikenang. Terima kasih telah menjadi sosok koko terbaik bagiku, baginya, dan bagi kami.

Tuhan memberikan, Tuhan menitipkan, Tuhan mengambil, Tuhan memiliki jalan terbaik.

Kami sayang koko, tetapi Tuhan lebih menyayangi koko. Selamat jalan, ko. Aku percaya koko sudah tidak sakit lagi dan dapat menatap kami dengan seulas senyum cerah dari atas langit; memandang kehidupan kami dan selalu menjaga kami. Aku yakin koko sudah mendapatkan tempat terbaik di sisi Tuhan dan bahagia di sana; karena koko adalah koko terbaik dalam hidupku dan koko terhangat sepanjang masa dalam hidup kami. Tempat terbaik bagi yang terbaik. Aku percaya kebahagiaan kekal dan kehidupan abadi di sisi Bapa selalu beserta koko... selamanya.

Dari aku, yang selalu menyayangimu; koko terbaik yang pernah hadir dalam hidupku.

Aku selalu sayang koko. Baik-baik di sana ya, ko. Farewell, God be with you. Till we meet again. I love you for always.

215 ㅡ ♕ Life is about the process of living.

Life is about the process of making memories, the journey to reach what they called happiness, the power of loving and get loved in return.

It's all about how you deal with certain things, it's about how you accept the flaws and make a change for something better, all about you.

Life is full of surprises, and you gotta need to prepare yourself so that nothing could ever distract you from reaching your goals.

It's okay to be bad,

It's okay to be alone,

It's okay to be no jam,

It's okay.

It isn't life, if we aren't riding roller coaster 24/7.

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart. Just don't be afraid to express yourself, you can do it.

Life is about the process of living.

Choose the flavour, taste it, evaluate, and get better in everything.

xoxo,

from me to me.

214 ㅡ ♕ Yet, it keeps going.

The scariest thing is when you have no dreams, and yet, life keeps going.

When you don't know what's the purpose of you living in this world.

When you don't understand yourself.

When you become someone's puppet.

When your days full of fear and tears.

When your life has become a lot more darker.

When you have nothing to brag about.

When you stop believing in yourself.

When you start avoiding people.

When you become someone you don't know.

When you hate yourself.

213 ㅡ ♕ I definitely not a puppet.

Have you ever felt like losing yourself in the middle of choosing what's good for your own life?

Have you ever felt like drowning with no one to rescue you and all you can do is just depend on yourself to save your own life?

I'm now drowning with nothing to hold and no one to rescue. I've been there thousands time before stating this but unfortunately I'm now having that hard time to actually write this down. I've been very pathetic these past few days, I've been wronged because of losing myself but I can barely speak because that's all happened to me and because of me. I can't, I can never raise my voice and speak out loud because they've been keeping their distances to never let me say what's inside my heart and they've told me that I had to be what they want indirectly. They gave me choices but there are all only lead to their greed and future. Their dreams, not mine.

I've been very patient, a good girl for them. I even have forgotten my dreams and start pursuing theirs. But yet, they never praise me for what I did. They never took a glance of what I've done besides what I've done for their dreams. I'm sick of being such a mere puppet for their own greeds. Then, what's the point of living? What's good about living my own life when I can't do what I want and just live according to their plans? I thought I never wanted to kill myself so bad but once in a while, I thought I'd be happy if I just disappear from this so-called-my-world but actually never been my world from the start.

I once had feelings. I feel so dumb, disappointed, and wanting to just disappear. I keep believing that everything will turn out well when I put my heart inside what I'm doing and I still believe that would actually happen for me to be happy at least once. But, by believing that, I keep lying to myself. Even though I have put my heart to all the things that I must do to achieve their dreams, I never once become a happy person with a sincere smile adorning my face. I keep falling deeper and deeper until I forgot the purpose of living, what and who I truly am. I lied. I lied to others and the most important thing, I lied to myself. I haven't found something to keep me going in life. I forgot my purpose and now I'm stuck at the point where I forgot how to move forward and how to stop hiding myself behind a shadow. Can I just scream? I definitely not a puppet!

I've been mastering lots of things for the sake of getting their attentions. Honest saying, I don't really, and never really like singing, dancing, writing, acting, drawing and learning 5 different languages are not my things but thanks god I have a brain to work well. Hidden words, I have done and mastered them all just for the sake of getting a praise in return. Yet, they never praise me. They never do what I thought they would do. So, what's the point of moving forward? I'm exhausted for not being who I truly am. I've lied so many times until I forgot who I truly am.

Is it too much for asking a response like "You've done well." or "You can do it because you are qualified enough to do it." or "We are proud of you." Well... I never demand such thing like saying, "You can follow your dream. It's your life, you can be whatever you want and do everything you want. Even though everyone in the world have turned their backs on you, remember that we would always face you straight and never leave you." I have never dreamt to get something like that. But, sometimes, I feel dumb because I never do what I want with my heart. I always worried they would turn their backs on me. I'm afraid, they would raise their voices because I did wrong and I always end up being stressed out.

I apologise for what I ever did, please teach me how to make friends, how to keep myself inside a circle of peopleㅡhow to find myself. I never thought these day would happen, but sincerely from my deepest heart, I'm just so tired with my life.

From me, to me:

You know I always support you and believe in you even when no one tries to understand you. I've got your back and never stop being a happy girl with a bright smile adorning your visage, because you are worth to something even greater than what you've ever imagined. You can be what you want and fly as high as you can! You have the power to live your life according to your plan when the time comes. When they think you're falling, prove them wrong! I'll find every missing pieces and start arranging the puzzle of my own life... I'll find myself.

212 ㅡ ♕ If we were meant to be together, we would eventually be together.

You always want to meet someone unexpectedly, right? And while dreaming about it, some people will certainly bring you back to reality.

So, let see, things in life might be complicated as life indeed will always be throwing you lemon, but make sure you dream big, work hard and make everything that you've always wanted to do happened in your life.

Be yourself, because when you are able to love yourself, that's the time you shine brightest.

Last but not least, if two people meant to be together, they would eventually be together. (despite the fact that our match could possibly be living in other country, doing some works that never related to us, but when you have the effort to push yourself till you hit the limit of being the brightest star, you would definitely find that one way to meet your half.)

Unexpectedly, a way to find the apple to your pie.