41 ㅡ ♕ BOOM DADA DUAR!!!

Helloooooo! So it's 12:34 now. I'm gonna start to write down all my resolution for 2015. I think it's now the right time to think about my future. 

"2015 is gonna be my year." All time my favorite quote to start a day in a new year. Well 2014 is not my year and i hope 2015 will be full of happiness and also i hope it's my year.......my perfect year to seriously be happy and ykno wat i min.

"I need to lose weight." 2014 i lost so many weight. I maintain my body to be not-to-big and not-to-slim. I eat fruits at school everyday and i hope my weight will be stay like this or maybe get more skinny. I mean skinnier is better right hhe! I hope i don't gain weight and lemme get a beautiful body pls. 2015 be good yeah! 

"I want to graduate with a proud heart." In 2015, i hope i can focus more on my studies. Mom and dad already told me to be more focus since i'm on my 3rd year in high school and they wanted me to make them proud with my scores later. So yeah i hope i never give up on studies and always try my best till i success later! Fighting! 

"Lemme feel loved." This is not for someone but for everyone. I want to be loved by everyone. I want to be remembered by everyone. I don't wanna get a hater. I don't wanna get forgotten by people i loved. I want them to know my existence and never left me behind. I love how people get close to me by sharing stories cause i can get to know more about them. I'm happy cause by them doing that, i know they feel my existence. So pls love me, have me around and let's be happy together! 

"Lemme laugh out loud till my ass off." Make me smile and laugh i'll love you. Pls 2015 i just want to be happy and spend some more time with my bests. I don't wanna have tears falling from my face. I wanna seriously be happy! I wanna laugh till i cry. Let happy people be my happy pills and let them make me laugh!

"Never expect things." This is the new quote and the new mindset for me. I love this cause it's true. Why? Cause i know good things come when you least expect them........so yeah let's keep dreaming and be prepared also from falling! Lemme know what to do in 2015. Give up? No i just wanna be someone more mature so no give up, but let go. Before anything happened, just lemme be happy by doing what i love now. I'm happy, i already felt happy. I beg for more happiness in 2015.

Another resolution?? Lemme think first.......good night! 잘자.

Good luck van!

40 ㅡ ♕ The Red Tears

I can make it through the rain. I can stand up once again on my own and i know that i'm strong enough to mend. I live one more day and i can make it through the rain.

She believed it was a red light. She didn't want to accept it. She still needed to show more things to him. She didn't wanna give up first. She still needed to tell him that she liked him. She cried all day. She worried about him like crazy. That day, she turned on the tv and she saw a news about an airplane from where he was, crashing down. She almost faint. She held back and reached her phone, texting him. Couldn't believe anything she saw. Fortunately, it wasn't his flight which crashed down. She worried. If worrying could make her lose weight then she would be super thin cause worrying too much. She cried. He knew that she was shocked. He knew that she scared of losing him. He knew that she was worried. She showed him all. But he replied, "I'm okay". That's it. When she read her message, she couldn't help but feeling relieved and grateful. In the end, she comforted herself from that shocking news all alone. Another one, he sent her his picture of what he was doing that time. She happily seen it and sent a reply. She waited for his reply by checking her phone every second but........yup no reply but he had seen it. She was stupid. 

She was gonna stop? She needed to stop? She had to stop?....................question marks.

Sometimes letting go then holding onto nothing is so much better. She didn't know.......if this was the right time for her to let go or not. She just wanted to like him. She just wanted him to feel loved. She didn't want him to feel empty and heartless. Feel loved was the best feelings.....for me. So she wanted him to know and to feel that feeling too. Maybe it's true. It's easy to love but it's not easy to be loved.

All she ever wanted was just staying beside him, support him, care about him.....love him silently. That simple. It's okay. She's fine.

There's a million reasons why she should give up but....

 

39 ㅡ ♕ Christmas Signals, 26.

Hellooooo! So yesterday on December 26th, 2014 we had a mandatory lunch to exactly end our 2014. It's almost 2015 in less than a week. We had so much fun dealing with traffic jam, pouring rain, having no clue where to eat, and not-to-get-caught-by police feelings. Yup! we were fine and happy yesterday. We found a really nice place where we had a good food. I cannot believe we found a nice space there where we could sit down, relaxing by looking at beautiful view from the building, feeling old and dare to talk about life. Well....the meaning of girl's day out was working quiet good on us. We hung out and never forgot to do an "ootd" thing hahaha! outfits of the day with the girls are precious for me. One tomboyish with her simple style. One a little bit naughty with her stocking. And i love them both! We talked about everything. Friends, exes, loves, family, school, enemies, bests, and life.

One feminine but ohno.

For me....i want to bring my boyfriend to eat some ice creams with me later lol if i had. I love ice creams xx i think this can possibly happen not in 2015 but that's okay. Let's keep dreaming, never expect!

One tomboyish chingu.

One sekshi wild chingu.

We believe that 2015 will be a good year for the 3 of us. We believe in 2015 each of us will be happy as always. We believe in ourselves. Peace out! xx

Well.....last night my buddy called me through skype asked about should or should not he continued running to catch his girl he liked. I couldn't say anything beside this one statement which always on my mind. My words which always being my mindset, "Do what you love cause you'll be happy just by doing it and there will be no regrets after all" It's exactly what i think what i feel and what i'm gonna do. Loving someone can be hurt. Loving someone can be painful. But there's one thing......"good things come when you least expect them" It's okay to dream it. It's okay to chase it. But don't forget to prepare yourself from falling cause chasing your dream would never be easy. Dream as high as you can but prepare yourself to wake up and face the world.

She showed him her green light. She showed him that she liked him. She showed him that she wanted to stay beside him. She showed him that she wanted to care about him. She showed everything she could do cause she didn't wanna have any regrets in her life. She even let the world knew and she didn't lie. She wanted to be honest to the world cause she did indeed like him. But all she knew was he showed her a yellow light. Well...what do you expect from a relationship that only a month old? yupp....she understood everything. She never expected everything ever since from the start. Even though it was all a lie. She did expect! but what could she does except follow him around and keep taking care of him from nowhere to be found...silently. That was what she would do. She felt relieved cause it wasn't a red light. She still relieved. But, as time goes by she started to know that red light started approaching her. Let's wait till he showed the red light, stopping her from walking towards her dream. And in the end, he would always be her far far away dream.

 Good luck!

it's a red light you see there.....

38 ㅡ ♕ 당당하게 말했다.

People fall in love in mysterious way.

Someone asked, "널 그 사람이 좋아해?"

And then there was an immediate answer, "네!"

She knew she wasn't good enough for him. She wasn't going to give up now either. But all she wanted to do was just staying beside him and cared more about him. Comfort him. He loved being with his friends. She would never ever gonna try to tear the bond. All she gonna do was just understand it. She loved what he loved. It maybe sounded stupid but she was just trying to be more mature each time she saw him around. Even if sometimes it hurt her. She was going to drink and forgot everything but it couldn't be that easy for her. He even didn't know when she left the place. Inhales exhales. He didn't pay attention to her that was fine. Being beside him was a happiness for her. She was happy, last night. They lit up the candle together and brought blue flower for our best.

Happy 17bday our beloved bestie, dec 18th 2014!!!!❤❤

37 ㅡ ♕ Dear Diary...

Dear diary...

Today i saw a boy

I wondered if he noticed me

He took my breathe away

I can't get him off my mind

It scares me cause i never felt this way

No one in this world knows me better than you do

So diary i'll confide in you

Dear diary...

Today i saw a boy

As he walked by, i thought he smiled at me

I wondered, does he know what's in my heart?

I tried to smile but i could hardly breathe

Should i tell him how i feel? Or would that scare him away?

Diary tell me what to do, please tell me what to say...

Dear diary...

One touch of his hand

I can't wait to see that boy again

He smiled

I felt my heart could fly

Diary, do you think we could be more than friends?

Do you think we could be so much more than friends? N.....o?

36 ㅡ ♕ a stranger comes to life.

I hate this tears in my eyes. I hate the way i feel about you. I hate love.

Well.............things might not come as easy as you thought it would be. There are storms. There are rains indeed. Day by day, all you need to do is just holding onto the things you love. Why? Cause by loving it you'll get yourself stronger and you'll be happy just by doing it. Happy cause you've tried your best to reach where you're going to be later. Happy cause no regrets. Even if the result's not gonna be as you wish but....in the end, you're gonna see yourself in the mirror and say, "it's okay, you're strong."

She knew another things. But different case...she should knew it this time. They hung out for the first time after they became a little bit closer as friends. Yup. They were not really close for him. They were just friends....for him. There was still no butterflies flying in his stomach. There was still no goosebumps he felt for her. Cause they just got to know each other for like weeks. She understood. She knew it would be like that. She never expected anything more than just a friend. 좋아해. She knew it.  Being solo was nice maybe. Yes. She didn't know what she should do beside keeping her eye only for him. Looking after him. Taking care of him. Smiling because of his weird jokes. Listening to his voice.....all silently without anyone knowing. It wasn't that bad. She had done it before. This wasn't the first time she did this. This wasn't the first time she cried for him. Maybe now he couldn't see her as a lady, or he never would. She would always be there standing beside him...not gonna do anything but just stay beside him until she felt really tired doing that even if he would never see her as a lady but only a friend of him. It was fine. It was better than be treated like a stranger. Hardly, he treated her like a stranger.......a new stranger of him. As she said yesterday, she was the one who thought she was there in his life. She was the one who thought she had a space in his life. Truthfully, no......no. She was a babo. She was stupid. She knew it already. But she wanted to keep fighting for him. She wanted to keep standing beside him. But until when? Until he seriously hit her in the face and make a fun of her by saying "i don't want you." "I never wanna see you." "I don't have any kind of goosebumps when i met you." and "goodbye." That was gonna be the day she gave her world up. Give up. Stupid moron dumbass. She was scared honestly but she couldn't do anything. She didn't know what exactly things that she needed to do. She hurt herself more....everyday. It was fine. She cried more and more everyday. No one could help. Thanks for letting her feel this kind of feeling. This wasn't pain. This was happiness for her. It was okay.

Loving can hurt so bad. But knowing the truth about some things you should't know might hurt more. So be prepared and be ready!

35 ㅡ ♕ you'll never know.

34 ㅡ ♕ far far away

The glance. The smile. The laugh. Everything. It wasn't even for her ever since from the start. The most scary thing that she'd been afraid of.....finally came to life. She was afraid. Really. Really really. Really afraid. It's okay to cry. She needed a shoulder. Don't ask her why but just lend her your shoulder for a min please. She just wanna let things out. She just super scared. This feeling is weird. It's killing her. She couldn't hold anymore. She was holding onto nothing. He was kind. He was always kind to everyone. Maybe it was her, the one who thought he had feelings for her. And in the end, she was the one who loved him. Not gonna ask a payback by loving her back. She did it cause she loved doing it. She loved being nice to him. It's okay, it's not even the first time being like this. This was the second time. So she had trained her heart twice. He was just her "so far far away dream". They were not close. They were apart by some things. They seemed close.......for her side. But honestly for him it was not. It was never. Close? No. Just a far far away dream. It's okay to keep loving him. Even if people judged me by saying stupid things. But come on this is the 2nd time. He would never see her as a lady. He would never gonna end up with her. She was scared yet still holding on. She knew it. She would never be with him cause she was the one who thought that he was kind only for her but no....he was kind to everyone. It's okay, as long as there's a space as a friend beside him. Rely on her. She would never leave even if everyone left him. She would always standing still right beside him without any reason. She would do that cause she loved doing it. It's okay, it's okay. Again and again. Stupid again. She knew things she didn't have to know. Thanks.

33 ㅡ ♕ 쑬을 많이 마셨다.

Hiiiii! 행복했어, 행복 행복해!!! 어제 난 쑬을 마셨다. 나타리아의 생길 파티에서. 난 그 남자 진짜 좋아.....나 걱정해주셔서 정말 고마워.

First time seeing him there, she was blank. Black out cause she felt that she was so far far away from him. So far even she thought that she wasn't gonna get a place in his life. He was happy with his friends and without him knowing she shed a tear silently. She gained strength from her friends. Her friends were all encouraged her to be okay. Yes, she was okay. She drank 3 glasses and 2 bottles of beer to make her feel better by gaining confidence through hangover. She did it. She didn't know but he stood beside her and talked to her, involving her in his life. She made it right, she jumped high and enjoyed the music together with her friends like there's no tomorrow. She felt much more confident than before. But, right before she really needed to go home. He asked her whether she wanted him to walk her to the car or not. They ended up walking together. She was so happy........she couldn't say anything but "sure."

"Hangover, you"

"No i'm okay i'm not"

행복해 진짜........고마워.

32 ㅡ ♕ 가슴이 뛴다

오늘 진짜 좋아 ㅋㅋㅋ 어제 부터 시작했다...

난 가끔씩 그 사람 마음을 알아

그 사람은 난 안싫어해 그리고 아직 난 안좋아해 근데 다 내 생각이야 음 괜찮아.

괜찮아.....난 이 순간을 너무 좋아 그래서 괜찮아 ㅋㅋㅋ킁

내 가슴이 뛴다, 널 바라보면....너 알아? 몰라 확실히야

오늘 우리 메세지를 많이 했다. 아주 좋아.

내 가슴에서 너 있다. 그 옛날 남자가 없다. 근데 너 있다....

난 널 오늘 부터 널 또 좋아한다....기다려.