25 ㅡ ♕ Unexpectedly

24 ㅡ ♕ Rather Be

Hello :) finally i can greet everyone with a happy smile. It's time to move on. It's time to do what i love. It's time to start everything with a happy smile. It's time to stop thinking about things that make me sad. It's time to stop crying. It's time to love. It's time to be loved. It's time to not be forgotten. It's time to not be the last. No one knows about what gonna happen for our future, so it's time to start building one little piece of puzzle to the big one piece.....even though it needs so many time to build it into a big one but "It's okay, you have done it" you can clearly say that to yourself. It's okay, you have tried. It's okay, you have done well. It's okay, it's almost over. It's okay, you're strong. It's okay, you're the best. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

That should be Joohee in that place. That should be Joohee who holds his hand. That should be Joohee laughing at his jokes. That should be Joohee who gets all his attention. That should be Joohee who spends every night of her life replying to his messages. That should be Joohee feeling his warm love. That should be Joohee who he thinks of everyday. That should be Joohee. That should be her. This is so wrong. She can't go on.....till he believes that should be her. But there's nothing Joohee can do. "It's okay to be just friends. We don't know about the future cause we still have long long way to go." She can only say this to herself to give her a little hope about him. Joohee can only looking at the sky full of stars and start talking to the moon, trying to get to him. In hopes he's on the other side talking to her too. Thinking about her. Thinking about them. Joohee doesn't know anymore.....what she should and should not do. But one thing that she knows, she should do what she loves. She should love what she does. Things might get complicated but that's okay, she knows she'll end up letting him to be with her. It's okay to be the second one who he thinks about every night...it's okay as long as she's still in his mind even it's just the second choice. Joohee will always be on their side, supporting them with all of her hearts even though it's sad but it's okay, she already used to it. It's nice to see him smiling, even that smile never goes to her. It's nice to see him laugh, even that laugh happened not because of her. It's okay to be hurt like this than like that, like before. It's okay to be like this than like before. It's okay, she'd rather be like this even though he never notice her.

<to be continued>

"keep him in my life, keep him around"

23 ㅡ ♕ Moving Out

Hello! Today sucks. My mood changed like crazy. Even though we didn't really study today cause we had like education fair at school. Yup......there's this thing that i cannot forget. I keep thinking about it over and over again. No regret. No feelings of guilt. No hate. Indeed. But i don't know. There's like a missing piece in my puzzle.

Joohee walked through the hall with Chaerin and Bom, chit chatting about people. They entered the hall and started to look around. There, "야, 나 먼저 간다. 켄이가 왔어" she smiled brightly at us. "어 가~" we smiled back at her, thinking that she was so happy to be with him. "주희야......나도 먼저 간다." Joohee was a bit shocked that she would be left all alone there in a big hall. "다들 왔어서 그래. 날 따라와 그럼." She asked at Joohee. Immediately Joohee shook her head, "아니야, 난 괜찮아." Joohee left. She walked all alone, thinking what's the problem of being alone. Everything was fine. Then, Joohee found Taeyeon and Sangjin, "야!!!!" She rushed to approach them.

Maybe he doesn't know about this because she has her lips locked with password even some people ever tried to unlock it. She doesn't know how to express her feelings, that's her problem. February's diary still locked in her little box named heart. It was summer. It was so hot yet soooooo warm. It was amazing how she could be loved. It was new yet so crazy. She was the ugly duckling who was left behind by all her friends and all she knew was only studying till she die. She was a nerdy and only had one friend. She even never talked to him. Almost never. She was so glad. She was so happy. Everyone loves to be loved, so do her. At the moment she got a message from him, she jumped like a kid. It was spring. The spring season which was so warm hugging her tight. She felt fine with him. But both of them were so quiet to each other. It was autumn when they got the break problem. She wanted to make it right. She wanted both of them to be more mature at first. She wanted to make them better but maybe because of her problem...he accepted it as a demand about him to change. Her problem...her "cannot express her feelings" was a serious problem in that season. Clock ticked, time fly, day by day running like crazy...they already met another February moment. One year close. Both of them felt the click. One week before her best day, she got surprised by him. "난 널 좋아해" he said, he wrote everything on a book about what he felt for all the time. "우리 연애하자!" She smiled, nodding and "응." That was so awkward. It was the best day out of the best best day. She got him, he got her. 행복해. They even had their first hug there at the beach. But things never worked well for them, they kept being childish and at the end....they broke everything. The broken smile people. It was so snowy that time. That was the coldest winter ever for her. She didn't know if she was okay or not. But she just could show everyone her okay side because she seriously had so many things to think about....that time.

And guess what, that winter is never end till now. They meet their end. This is an end for them. For them. End. That winter. This winter. Forever winter.

They run on the different race. They turn at the different direction. They walk on the different path. They have different way to talk to each other. Silence, that's it. They're slowly but sure moving out from each other's heart. They talk in the silence. One here, one there. One away, one here. One there, one away. One sad, both of them sad. Or not :-) One day, one wanted to rebuild the broken smile with a smile. It healed. But one day, someone smiled more beautiful than her then the broken smile back. It deleted the feelings of how it healed before. It went away. It disappeared. Well. It was okay. She way okay with it. As long as she had tried to be good. She felt relieved. No problem. Take everything you want from me. Treat me whatever you want. Make me feel alone like no one is gonna be by my side. Make it happen. Hate me...Tell people all you want. Like you used to be. Good bye. :-(:-)

"나 먼저 간다, 안녕...."

22 ㅡ ♕ 보고싶어.

왜 또? 왜 계속 나 한테 이래? 난 말했잖아....근데 왜. 왜. 왜.

헐 너 진짜 나쁜 놈이야.

뭐? "우리 같이 영화 보러 가자" 어? 왜 너랑 꼭 영화 보러? 난 싫어.....진짜다. 그래서 그만해...그만하라고 너.

우리 아무 사이도 아냐 너 말했다.....예전에.

그만. 부탁할게. 난 진짜 힘들다....제발. 제발...제발 잘해주지 마 가슴이 아프잖아....

난 걸스데이의 새로운 노래를 듣고 있어 하루종일. 진짜 좋아...궁금해 왜 나 진짜 이 노래를 좋아? 그냥....그래.

내 마음이 아프다 근데 난 알아...잘 될거야 모두.

#nowplaying: Girl's Day - 보고싶어 (I Miss You)

두 눈을 감으면 네가 보이는데

넌 웃고 있는데 우리 웃고 있는데

두 눈을 떠보면 난 울고 있는걸

우리 함께였는데

아침에 일어나 tv를 켜고

샤워를 하고 옷을 갈아입고서

나갈 준비를 해

오늘도 어제와 똑같은데

한 가지도 변한 게 없는데

왜 난

문득 울리는 전화길 보다가

나도 몰래 눈물이 흘러내리고

너는 왜 또 이렇게

넌 아무렇지 않게

내 맘을 또 흔들어놔

사실은 너무 보고 싶어

보고 싶어 네가

네 어깨 기대 울고 싶어

울고 싶어 내가

참아보려 애써 웃잖아

아직도 흔들리고 있잖아

제발 잘해 주지 마

더는 내게 잘해 주지 마

잘해주지 마 가슴이 아프잖아

눈에 뛰지 마 자꾸 네가 맴돌잖아

난 의외로 약해

그래서 너밖에 못 그려

그림을 지우다 다시 널 그려

또 너무 달콤해

그래서 미치게 해

또 너무 달콤해

그래서 미치게 해

넌 나를 아프게

그래서 더욱 미치게 해

잘해주지 마

내게 널 보여주지 마

문득 울리는 전화길 보다가

나도 몰래 눈물이 흘러내리고

너는 왜 또 이렇게

넌 아무렇지 않게

내 맘을 또 흔들어놔

사실은 너무 보고 싶어

보고 싶어 네가

네 어깨 기대 울고 싶어

울고 싶어 내가

참아보려 애써 웃잖아

아직도 흔들리고 있잖아

제발 잘해 주지 마

더는 내게 잘해 주지 마

잘해주지 마 가슴이 아프잖아

잘해주지 마

이렇게 내 가슴에서

지우려 하지만

그게 마음처럼

안 되는걸 어떻게

사실은 너무 보고 싶어

보고 싶어 네가

네 어깨 기대 울고 싶어

울고 싶어 내가

참아보려 애써 웃잖아

아직도 흔들리고 있잖아

제발 잘해 주지 마

더는 내게 잘해 주지 마

오늘도 어제와 똑같은데

한 가지도 변한 게 없는데

왜 난

이게 나야....울고 싶어. 아직도 흔들리고 있잖아. 헐....

잘해주지 마 제발! 부탁해....

오늘 난 울었다.  응 참 좋아........난 괜찮아.

21 ㅡ ♕ 왜?

왜 내 앞에 계속 나타났어? 왜? 왜? 왜? 니가 새로운 여자가 있어, 왜 왜 왜 나 한테 이래.......? 하지마 제발 그런거 하지마.....제발...부탁할게....

나 노력해 지금 진짜 노력하겠다....너의 추억을 다 잊었버려고 그래서 하지마! 제발 부탁한다.....

넌 내 마음이 다 알아. 지금 왜 자꾸 날 찾았어? 이건 무슨 대답이야? 그 여자로 만나. 난 니 여자가 아닌데. 난 니 새로운 여자 보다 아무것도 아니야. 그 여자는 진짜 이뻐. 난 아니야.......다 알아 그래서......그만해.

난 널 계속 보면......진짜 힘들다. 난 계속 울어 너 때문에. 널 좋아? 난 이렇게 살아야해...너 진짜 진짜 좋아? 불쌍한 인생이야...니가 내 인생은 이렇게 만든 거 잖아......왜.

그만해....그만...그만하라고!

왜 날 잦아....왜 궁금해.....왜 빵을 준다? 왜. 왜. 왜.

난 이제 진짜 진짜 노력해...너의 추억을 다 다 다 모두 다 잊었버려....

왜 나 한테 그렇게 잘해? 왜 내 일은 알고싶어?

하지마....

힘들다.

하지마.

마음이 아프다. 니가 보고싶다. 근데 괜찮아.....참아야지.

왜....그냥 조용히 가라....

넌 나 한테 왜 이래.....흥......보고싶어...만나고 싶은데....이 느낌이 진짜 싫어. 니가 앞으로 보고 싶을꺼야 근데 괜찮아. 괜찮을 것같다.....참고 있어.

20 ㅡ ♕ 끝.

오늘 나 진짜 진짜 바보. 난 너무 바보.

다들 싫어. 진짜. 난 거짓말 아니야.

내 사랑스러운 진한 진구가 잃어버렸다. 내 사랑하는 남자 바로 항상 넣었어.....도 잃어버렸다. 난 진짜 오늘 웃어도 못해. 그냥 울고 불고. 불쌍한 여자다 난. 오늘 다들 보였다.....난 그러게 불쌍해.

내 사랑스러운 진한 진구 한테 진짜 실망이다........미워? 아니................난 못해. 난 그냥 몰아. 그냥 궁금해...니가 왜 나 한테 이래.....?

그리고 내 사랑하는 남자 한테 진짜 안 만났으면 좋겠다....미워? 그것도 아니데. 난 그냥 슬프다. 왜 나 한테 이래....음...나도 내 마음을 잘 몰아...왜 이렇게 알고 있어...왜 너 한테 빠졌어...

힘들다. 힘들다고.

이게 뭐야...........

울어.

울지마. 할수있어. 잘 될거야.

괜찮아. 괜찮아. 괜찮아. 

지금 내 인생이 너 없다. 너 좋지? 괜찮지? 응 다 알아. 그래서 우리 그렇게 살자. 우리 진구도 못했는데. 그냥 아는 사이도 하지마. 좋지? 어 좋아. 난 좋아. 나.....니 기억을 다 잊었버려고. 시간이 필요해 난 알아. 괜찮아 난 할수있어. 난 남자가 필요하지 않아. 다.....언제나 너 한테 추억이지 그래서 이제 안녕...........

마음이 아프다. 상처를 받았다. 그만해. 우리 그만하자. 

........그 여자 한테 잘해. 

나만 슬프다. 나만 울어. 혼자 있어도 좋아.

괜찮아. 사랑한다 내 소중한 진구. 사랑한다 내 사랑하는 남자. 안녕.......

19 ㅡ ♕ 괜찮아. 괜찮아. 안괜찮아.

안녕! 이게 첫번째 한국 포스트야. 그냥 오늘 너무 힘들어서 그래.....난 울었다. 다들 너무 싫어. 내 마음이 너무 아프다.....ㅠㅠ
멀리 멀리 그 사람은 나를 점점. 난 어쩔수가 없어서...그냥 놓아해야지 난 그 사람.
그 사람은 새로운 여자가 있는데 이제, 그래서 나를 안보니까. 괜찮아 난 괜찮다니까...그냥 슬퍼서 조금.

난 괜찮아.

괜찮아.

오늘도 난 니가 떠 생각했는데
이 자리에 난 아직도 니가 그리워
나도 모르게 왜 항상 널 만나고 싶은데
나도 모르게 왜 항상 널 보고싶은데
난 널  빠져썼나봐
그걸 알아
난 널 사랑했나봐
그걸 떠 알아
이상해 잠 이상해
이 사랑이 맞아?
좋은데 잠 좋은데
왜 나는 설레고 있어?

사랑이야...
괜찮아...

(14년10월11일)

#nowplaying: J Rabbit - 웃으며 넘길래❤
내 좋아하는 노래가...그냥 오늘 밤. 하루종일 이 노래를 듣고 있어. 난 못 잔다 음 헐 힘들어

괜찮을 것같다! 응!!!!!!

18 ㅡ ♕ Octoberish

Hoam! For today let's take it as hi. OCTOBER IS FINALLY HEREEEEEEE wohoo throws confetti everywhere. 3rd day of october good.

#octoberwish is here!

I wish i could be an extrovert *now half half*

I wish i could get through the selection of scholarship for my university.

I wish i could love hate and mad :-) sometimes

I wish i could be loved.

And last,

I wish i could be happy *not like what it seems now but exactly be 행복해 from every piece of me*

Happy all the time without worries which tryna catch me everytime i let myself be someone else.

Heol.

She cannot get mad at you. She cannot get mad at him. She cannot get mad at her. She cannot get mad at them. But she always get mad at herself....Joohee who's not capable of expressing her feelings like a dumbass.

#nowplaying: Akdong Musician - Officially Missing you

Everything may seems fine for everyone around her because the real truth is drowning deep down in her heart without anyone knowing. She doesn't know either. The truth always remain silent. It's hard indeed to be her. Pretending like she's fine all the time though she know she had been left. Pretending to be busy while all she does is just listening to some old songs and 혼자서 울고 있어. Put everyone's problem first before hers. Be there for everyone while no one be there for her when she wants someone to talk to.

Sometimes she just want to stop the tickling clock and rest a while. Stop being anyone else. Stop being strong when honestly her soul doesn't even there to smile. She wants to just smile when she wants to smile and cry hard when she's mad sad and wants a hug. She's weak but she always try to be someone else and act strong. I know her. I know her well. She's just don't want to get people's attention by being like that. She's an introvert who have ever been drown in her darkest night.....with no one to help her outta cage. Now she's trying and still always try to change everything bad in her and be someone who can fit in. Again and again, she knows every little thing counts as a good one...the change. Slowly but sure she believe she can be a better better person.

She believe she's always gonna play hide and seek with him, the one she needs to find. She's an unlucky lover but she can't explain why. She close her eyes and count to ten, so he can run and hide. Even if they never met, she will find his love. She's running and fall in love with him...but she's waiting for him too so come find her. She'd been searching day and night. Thinking about him. Thinking about them. Everyday without him is driving her crazy.....till then they're playing hide and seek.

#nowplaying: Jason Chen feat. Amy and Ellen - Hide and Seek

상처를 받았다. 나 알아...너 한테 우리 추억을 다 잊었버려고 그래서 그만해 이제. 행복하게 잘 살고 있는 것 같다 너. 난 행복해. 넌 행복해. 그냥 그렇게 살아. 좋지? 응 좋아. 괜찮아 잘 될거야 모두 다! 웃고싶다. 울고싶다.....

17 ㅡ ♕ Two Pigeon

Sentuhan lembut bagi buku biru yang lusuh tak berdaya

Halaman-halaman penuh drama cerita kasih kita

Isi kenangan hati dua merpati dalam kotak-kotak permata

Kotak merah dadamu yang kau bawa setiap rabu usangmu

Kotak merah melingkar yang kubawa setiap kamis senduku

Batu bata biru menjadi saksi hati 2 merpati patah hati

Ruangan biru yang dulu menangkap hati kini menjadi pemisah sejati

Meja kursi tarki bertanya curiga kapan akan kembali meletakkan beban hari

Sketsa siput penuh makna kini terbakar hangus abu fana

Lukisan penuh angka di atas lapisan licin bersama tinta hitam menjadi kenangan tak terlupakan

Sang merpati membuka setiap halaman penuh rasa ngeri

Ketakutan bagai tersambar petir memeluk tulang rusukku

Kesedihan yang tiada artinya kembali menghentakkan kakinya di jantungku

Kebodohan yang kini hanya menjadi kebencian pada diri sendiri mulai merenggut perhatian jiwaku

Keindahanmu yang baru kini tersiar di mataku membuatku semakin menyentuh lantai dingin tak berdaya

Tiga keyakinan yang dibuat sang merpati demi perubahan kasih

Tahun demi tahun berlari bagai pelari maraton yang tak pernah bertemu garis akhir

Tak satu pun ingin menjadi beo

Tak satu pun mulai bersuara meski awan milik bersama

Tak satu pun ingin bersama meski merpati lain mengundang 

Merpati kasih terbang bebas menembus awan bersama cendrawasih

Hati yang bukan hati berdarah tersayat namun tak berani tampak

Kesunyian dunia satu-satunya cara berbicara

Senyuman kecil terukir di kanvas hati sang merpati sendiri

Nyanyian lembut menggema sedih......pergilah kasih.

"Bye..."

16 ㅡ ♕ Stairs of Love

Hello! 안녕.....I've been away for days otl now here i am with absurd feelings. So lately i've been listening to old indonesian songs which were so good for me. It has nice melody and the most important thing is nice meaning. Some friends usually singing to old songs like a radio at school and that's why i search for the songs again and take a listen to it!

#nowplaying: A Love Like This

I realized that your love is not true. At last, we should choose cause we cannot go on with a love like this. Go back to her, that's okay. Let me back off so you can live better. I'll take it for myself. 

#nowplaying: Complete

The more i deny you, the more i know how important you are in my life. Honestly, my lips can say "i can" but my heart says, "no". The heartache which i feel inside me is not because of her, but cause you choose the wrong love. My heart keeps saying "no, i cannot survive anymore". I admit that it's all a lie about letting you choose her instead of me. I never ever gonna let you choose her cause i know i'm the only one who can make your heart......complete. 

#nowplaying: The Best For You

Now, I realized everything that it was always my fault all the time. I don't want to regret anything so, "Sorry, if i always make you mad and hate me. I do that all just to make you happy. Maybe i just cannot express my feelings, i just wanna be the best for you.....your best girl."

#nowplaying: Irreplaceable

Even if the time comes and gone by itself until you cannot hold anymore. Everything cannot change me cause i only have you in my heart. You are the one who can makes me fall in love. You're not only beautiful but irreplaceable.

#nowplaying: Language of The Heart

You're the one who i can see the light in your eyes. You have such a big heart. I listen to your language of heart in your smile. It has a nice melody. Now, all i can say is you're always in my heart and i will always be with you through your days. Believe me, it's only me who understands your feelings. Love, trust me it's always me who understands you. Believe in me...

Last word, 
Thanks and maybe good bye? 
I don't know but it hurts me indeed.
I'm not lying. I'm crying.
I maybe seem so fine with everything cause at that moment,
the one inside of me is crying. 
I'm sorry for everything. 
Thanks for everything.


Forget me, not.....
 

Bye.

Have a good day, lovelies♥ 

15 ㅡ ♕ Confession of The Forgettable One

Hi. Different feelings i feel each day:-)  i feel happy and sad also at the same time today:-) ummm like yesterday, yesterday and yesterday. Everything's okay but i'm not sure if i'm okay. I don't think of anything right now honestly but it's just i have something which bothers my mind. Let me just forget everything, turn all the page back from the start, deleting all your fingerprints and of course lemme start writing down something i loved on the first page of my diary. I'm not writing for you......nopeee nooooo not anymore but for some other people, some friends, some dreams..........some wishes and some loves. Sighs. 

#nowplaying: Suzy - Too Much Tears

Joohee opened her diary and started to write something, "It's hard to live with no one to rely on, no one to lift you up when you fall down, you don't have anyone when everyone does. That's why i'm so easy to be forgotten. That's sad. I'm cryin. Though, i have friends around me and i hope we can always understand each other, hug each other when one of us wants a hug without asking why, tap each other's back when one of us wants to cry, never leave each other and stay by each other's side for always. It's easy in words. But life brings us another way to live. You need to live your life all by yourself, all friends around you will soon leave one by one and starts building their own happiness and live happily. You cannot do anything than lifting your hands out and clap for them, hug them. In the end.....you need to heal your own wound, comfort yourself, crying at the corner without no one listening, smiling all alone for someone's happiness and tap your own back, sayin "This is life". I'm afraid. Scared enough. I haven't even ready to let this things happened. But what can i do:-) This is life. This is my life. Soon or later, ready or not.....I have to stand up and smile for myself that i'm confident enough, i'm brave enough and of course proudly say that i'm happy."

<to be continued> 

Heol. So tag tag tag.

What Joohee means in her diary is not only about friends but also about everyone around you. For everyone who leaves deep marks in your life. For everyone you loveeeeeeed.

Out of topic but i curled my hair today and tada here i am, your pathetic girl. I wish i could be pretty enough to let someone see something in me. 

Your so-easy-forgettable girl,

See you guys later, Bye-yeom!♥
Have a good day, lovelies♥ 

14 ㅡ ♕ Eassay.

Heylooooo! how. can. you.....

#nowplaying: Bestie - Thank U Very Much

 

Joohee texted thatxx, "Sometimes you tell girls that you cannot move on and still want her to be yours, but why do you run after another girl right after you realized that both of us cannot be one? Is that so easy.....? it's that easy i think. I spend my days only looking at you and me, as a girl cannot throw away this thing i mean your last name after my name. You always tell everyone that you have that wound from me who hurts you. But, no? it doesn't even hurt you. Life is that easy. Love life is thatttt easy for you. This makes me want to turn everything back and think of what we have done. We had done nothing. We didn't have anything. Maybe we're not meant to be together. I don't know your heart. Seriously, just wondering how can you move on so easy. How can you easily forget about us. How can you easily run after a girl and spread all the news to everyone. Look at you. Please be sincere. Boys always can do whatever they want, while us girls have to seriously work hard for ourselves all alone. Thanks nah." She had done writing all she wanted to tell him and left her phone on the desk and.........sleep. sleep. sleep.

<to be continued>

13 ㅡ ♕ Acoustic Collabo

Hello hey hi! here i am back again. Today i'm gonna share some songs related to my feelings. It's 10pm already and mom already nagged at me. I need to sleep sooooon. 

Wonder. wonder. wondering:-)

So, the genre of my favorite songs had changed into k-indie nowadays. The songs are so lively and super fresh for my feelings. Here i'll recommend my top 2 nice songs from one of my favorite k-indie singersss. 

Acoustic Collabo guise.

First Love's Melody

첫사랑의 일기장

:: This song was the first song i knew from Acoustic Collabo which brought me to get myself into them even more, what a lovely melody and nice voice. 

Afraid To Say I Love You

사랑한다 말할까봐

:: Super sad the melody:-(

12 ㅡ ♕ Sleepless Night

Hi. Making a decision is not as easy as i thought. Sooooo freakin hard. Hmmmm.....but I did it. I made a decision today. Idk if people would see it as a weird thing for a girl to do this kind of thing or not but i just wanted to be friends again. I just wanted us to be comfortable like before. It was not easy indeed. It was harddddd. I started to have a fight, my mind and my heart. Both wanted to win and yes one of them won :-) 

I don't know if this is right or not. I don't know anymore. I'll have some sleepless night forever....i'm sure.

#nowplaying: SHINee - Slepless Night

Joohee....She let herself drown in the feelings of 15years ago as she looked at all her photos with him, she also let her tears fell down. She remembered every single thing about him. He who was sooooo close to her, Yoondo. She suddenly missed everything but nothing would change. She was all by herself, so was he. But decision was made. She kept thinking about what would happen if she stopped by his house and said "Hi.". She kept thinking about all the useless things and started to have a war with herself. But, things got even worse when she decided to leave a short letter in front of his house's door and runaway.....waiting for him at the park. She waited with a sigh every 5mins, she wanted to just say "Hi." and smiled but she couldn't make it so easy. It was like, for the first time in forever again she would meet him. What would we do later after we met? Would it be awkward? Would it be the same as before? or would it be.......hmmm like he don't come because he hates me? 

Until now.........we still don't know about this..........

So.......

<to be continued>

Here we are in this way back home,

How about start it again with us as friends, then start making each other more comfortable when we're together, and love each other at the end?

Can or can't? *shrugs* molla......

 

Yoondo moved away from Seoul to Busan...

 Joohee scared Yoondo did??

 Honestly this always been my fear....fearless? no i'm scared.

 It's too late..

But if i had a chance, i wanted to tell you that....

and i still want to know...now

 

 Curiousity kills every girl.

Stop. Sigh. Sleep. Dream and Wake Up!

See you guys later, Bye-yeom!♥
Have a good day, lovelies♥

11 ㅡ ♕ Mix and Match

Hi. Today feels like a mix match feelings for me but it's kind of different from how i feel the mixed up feelings. Mixed up feelings is a kind of feelings of wanting to give up which mixed up with wanting to fight back. Dilemma attacks! But this mix match feelings is somewhat like a happy-sad-khunfused- crazy-down feelings mixed in me for one day full. And i know that this kind of feelings seriously matched me. Idk. I feel like i have to stop and stay away but tbh i can't. I seriously can't. Sometimes just sometimes i wonder he would see me as a friend as a lady as someone. I wish sometimes, just someday maybe it could happen. I wish it could be true.......but i wish him the best too. I wish he could be happy with her. I will watch them silently and smile for everything. That's okay cause i need to start training this heart which gonna turn into a heartache ever since from the start. It's just me who is so stubborn cause don't want to accept the fact...

*sighs* For the previous post about "how i loved sept 4" hmm i'll write down later when i got my happy mood back cause i just don't know what to write and how to write. I just wanted to sleep and forget the pain but remember the sweet memories. All in my dream. 

She talked to him about something scary, she scared but that boy suddenly asked her whether she wanted to have a ride on a horse with him to make the scary feels gone. She agreed without any hesitation and smiled brightly like a kid who got candies from her aunties. They then joked around together even if there were their friends also at the circuit. They joked around with their friends together and laughed out loud like there was no tomorrow. After that, he took her to the restaurant and there he gone from her to the other girl who was always been in his heart for so long. She could just let out a deeeeeep deep sigh from the bottom of her heart and sat there with her friends without even showing a single smile. She knew everything they did cause she kept her eyes for them all the time but that was okay...she still happy because at least she also could spend some time with him even if it was because she just a maybe good friend of him. She still wish them the best. 2hours had passed, she wanted to go home and his body was super cold because of the weather there at the restaurant. It happened to her because she sat at the outside of the restaurant. On their way to the horse circuit back again, he asked her whether she wanted to take his jacket home or not because maybe he was a bit concerned about her. Of course YES right. She smiled brightly again and took the jacket from his hand and wore it prettily. Wow thanks.

<to be continued>

Here's a very gooooood song. This song keeps playing in my mind. It's Tori Kelly - Dear No One. It was niceeeee. I recommend you to listen to it:-) you can maybe use it as a background song when you read this post or coldplay fix you. Both can:-) HHE.

Here's quotes of the day!

Stop looking back......because sometimes it hurts.

It's time to fight for what you love and be comfortable with your life.

Live your life happily.

Live your life with love❤ 

Like.Like.Like.Love❤❤

See you guys later, Bye-yeom!❤

Have a good day, lovelies❤

10 ㅡ ♕ how I loved 4 Sept

loading...the happiness
deleting...the sadness

I just loved today idk it feels right but wrong also at the same time. It was happy and it was sad. Both feelings for today. Today i did what i haven't done it in my school life. Today i talked much. Today i joked much. Today i laughed much. Today was amazing. But soon............i have to wake up and stop living in that dream cause it was only a dream of a sleeping beauty. Wakeyyyy! wake up. right. now. N.O.W:-)

09 ㅡ ♕ Stoopid Me

Hi September! Please be good yaaah i beg u. So today i feel sick after attending the last friends party for 3days in a row. Hectic schedule nah friday, saturday and sunday mang, flu again and again. Feel tired, super. I even didn't go to school today. cannot see him. But all those party was super cool and awesome. I got to have lots of funnnnnnnn yehettttttt. Hmmm...anyway, the first page of my september diary is a bit sad. u agree?? I almost broke my legs last night because attending 3 party for 3days in a row. heels omg heels ok. I added another flavor of my panda eyes heung another black bubble tea lol. I sneezed for a whole day. Feel awesome honestly. Feel alive cause finally i can feel these kind of things happened after 15years of my life. If you know my story, you'll understand.

I look up at stars and my mind starts running, thinking about everything. Sometimes i wish i could at least have some chitchat with him, to make him realize that he can count on me. He can share something with me. He can share the pain and the happiness with her to me. That's okay. I'm a good listener. I'll hold back and stand by his side. That's stupid that's me. i'm not fine at all

Questions also running wild into my mind. How to make him realize? How to get closer to him? How to make him stop talking about me and the other one? How. How. How.......I wish i could just have all the answers right now. Stoopid meeh cannot think of anything.

I support them with all my heart. I never lie. I'll hold back and leave. I know. It's too complicated for us. I mean maybe for me only. I understand. That's why i called myself stoopid.

I'll comfort him if he ever sad because of her. I'll smile with him when he had fun with her. I'll laugh over his joke when she didn't want to laugh. I'll stand behind him and watch. I'll stand beside her and smile. I'll smile and laugh at myself over the stupid little things that he did for her, all by myself silently.

Thank you for being humble at me. Thank you for letting me feel this kind of feelings. Thank you for making me showing off my stupidness. Thanks dear.

She fell in love by chance and

 ended up making a decision of her choice. 

She worked hard to stay beside him,

even though it was hard for her to keep listening to all the stories about them.

She sometimes wanted to stop running and leave. 

But, she still couldn't.

See you guys later, Bye-yeom!♥
Have a good day, lovelies♥

08 ㅡ ♕ Mixed Up Vegetables

 

So here i am writing a blog with a mixed vegetables as my food-partner. I have no spirit to write here honestly. I have to admit that yesterday everything was simply fine and beautiful for me, but even though a lot more happy things happened today.....still, everything seems even more not fine and back again again again i feel super stooooopid. This mixed up feelings i feel is so tiring. I hate it. I don't wanna feel it again but, i still don't wanna give up and be a depressed girl and start to do something even more weird than what i usually do lately. It's not that weird but you gotta be shocked....trust me. or not.

Yesterday was perfect. Yes, perfect! The definition of perfect in my vocabulary is not different from what you can find in all dictionary. Perfect yes perfect. I couldn't stop smiling. I even forgot to write here yesterday, that's how happy i was nah.

For today.........................everything's super okay and fine, but suddenly all the mixed up feelings came and disturbed me. I feel mad. I feel crazy. I feel sad. I feel stupid. I feel lost. I feel messed. I feel like everything seems wrong. I feel- I don't know how to explain this brand new feelings of mine heol. 

h e o l, this is crazy man *shakeheads* 

It's late already because i still have classes tomorrow and i should take care of this feelings first so yeah caoooooooooooooo imma off to sleep.

Hopefully tomrrow's gonna be fine. Okaypls.

See you guys later, Bye-yeom!♥
Have a good day, lovelies♥

07 ㅡ ♕ Lost At Sea

Hmm...Today i seriously don't feel like doing a happy greetings *sighs* pls lemme just say hi quietly. "Hi." Okay, i feel sooooooooo sad today, everything's fucked up and idk heol i feel bad about myself too. I feel stupid. I feel lost. Lost in a deep deep sea. It's like i wanna runaway from reality and start to build my own fairytale. I know i can't but. It's hard indeed to exactly accept the fact though i haven't even heard the fact that happened. But i know....that fact is just gonna hurt me even more so i'd rather not to listen to it....sobs.

Hi, someone who smiles brightly everytime i steal a glance

Hello, someone who talks much everytime we meet each other's eyes

Hey, someone who jokes around everytime we meet

Those words are always gonna remain unsaid

I feel stupid.

I feel miserable.

I feel like a zombie back to life.

I feel heartless. all of sudden.

I feel lost. Lost at sea.

Everything's wrong for me

But, maybe...

Silently in my way, there's light

Deeply in my heart, there's hope

Madly in my head, there's you

And light....

Please lead the way. i beg you.

STAWPPPPPP!!!!

Okay before you say something, lemme say it first. YUP. I know i'm pathetic. I'm weird. I'm crazy. Stupid dumbass. thanks. and this is me.

Love Life is not always gonna standing by your side, sometimes you need to fight back and survive. I learnt it today. 

I indeed felt lost and empty the moment i thought everything's wrong, i cried a lot in my heart, i never needed a hug so badly but i did need that today, i felt like i didn't want to laugh on any kind of joke, also didn't want to even show a smile.

I went through all those things and i learnt something from it.

Sometimes you need to work harder to get what you want and also to make you cherish every moment in the future.

I admit that i don't wanna accept the fact, I admit that i hate it. But, i don't wanna lose hope and try.

If the one who cried later was me....that's okay. Cause at least i already tried as much as i could so then hopefully no regrets (:

*shy omona shy*

Good night!

Everything's gonna be fine tomorrow. Amen. 

Really???

See you guys later, Bye-yeom!♥
Have a good day, lovelies♥

06 ㅡ ♕ Khunfusing

Hello Everyoneeeee! Long time no see yeah so i have been busy with all the stuff and now here i am back again. Life has been super confusing for me lately hm that's why i came here otl so many weird feelings, so many abnormal things i did and idk why........everything seems so new. I keep asking myself but i still have no clue about the answer HEOL. Also i won't write the next episode of my fanfic on my previous post because i don't wanna remember every single thing that happened before but if you madly wanna know about the next episode then you can ask me to tell you the full story or not. I'm too lazy to write everything down.

Hi.... *for someone who doesn't even know this greetings is referred for you*

......someone help me.

I do???

See you guys later, Bye-yeom!♥
Have a good day, lovelies♥